Thursday, September 16, 2010

Breeze on the hill

Driving to work each morning, I always look forward to a special part of that daily pilgrimage-this slope upon which my mom's old car would sputter, groan and slow down to the chagrin of the fellow behind me.

Slowly but surely, the car would climb to the top, and from the top, the view of the skies is breathtaking to say the least, each day a little bit different - the colours would be splashed in multiple hues and the order of the clouds never the same.

And on top of that hill, I would linger as long as I could and it would remind me of how fortunate we are, and how beautiful the world is.

Experience is truly a guru of the master class, and I am a student of the world.

She is learning to be someone of whom she is proud of.

But what she is already, is reason enough to be glad.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

A thought before slumber

Being a product of a Sekolah Kebangsaan, the presence of other types of schooling systems has never registered in my head.

The choice was to either go to a Chinese school or a Kebangsaan school. Although I do regret a little, the lack of the grasp of my mother tongue and language; growing up in a national school environment has enriched my life in ways impossible to imagine.

I am who I am, from the environment I grew up in, from the 'Tiang' game to 'Buaya' to 'Getah' and other one word creations to humor our young selves.

Now, being 24 and knowing personally, products of private or international institutions as well as people who send their children to those schools; I can see for myself first hand, the benefits of the alternate education system, the IP (international/private) schooling system.

Children from IP schools seem to be more opinionated and most importantly, have an opinion on things and this important trait can never be more underestimated. To teach children to think for themselves, to me is one gift that lasts a lifetime. We don't want a submissive society do we?

Of course not. Die lah if we have tyrants in the government. *ahem.

What about the quality of teachers?
Do IPs really have better teachers? I don't know about that and
I haven't been to school since 2005 but from the things we read and hear of with regards to national schools, it makes me nervous.
Rape cases in classrooms, children playing truant. I do know that times are a-changing and the children aren't what they were before.
It makes me want to pray that we would at least have enough good teachers to make positive imprints in children all over.

And oh, the YoYo-ness of the Malaysian education system? From English to Malay to English to Malay to English..haiyoh. Make up your mind please. And now, talk of abolishing UPSR and PMR. What next?

My plea to you is that even if you do make a decision, please stick to it long enough to really see the effects before starting on another round-about journey.

I'd like to make a poll and find out how many politicians, whose actions directly influences the lives of thousands of children actually send their children to national schools. Just to satisfy my curiosity.

Btw, IMHO, UPSR should stay but PMR may go. You do need some methods to measure students and UPSR allows us to gauge the levels of the children at the end of the Primary education, in order for us to better prepare them and find out the work cut out for us to guide them through the next phase of school.

And the best way to measure that is to have a STANDARD method of measurement. Logical right? But of course, it's different when you get to the pre-uni stage, that's why we have multiple methods to enter University.

Because grow up already mar-no need standardization all one..what for?

PMR? To me, it's not that important actually. Results should not be the only determinant on whether one goes on to do Science or Arts.

But then, the problem to me is not that we have too many examinations. The problem is we focus too much on excellence and strive solely towards that goal. With that, comes pressure-from parents, from school, from within children themselves. Because they know that excellence gets rewarded and failure equates punishment.

Maybe it's time to really focus our energy and spotlight on something else.
Like guiding children who need an extra hand and an understanding presence in this journey of school. We need to let our children in on a little secret, that it is okay to not do well in exams, so long as you did your best because the world is your oyster.
Like exploring the talents of our children and encouraging them, even if that means a string of alphabets in the report card instead of just A's.
Like celebrating children who overcame adversity to achieve what other people might perceive as 'mediocrity' but in actual fact, greatness of the spirit.

Why not we highlight children who embraces and epitomizes strong values? Like love, friendship, generosity, togetherness?
Why not we let such heroes remind ourselves and the children that what's important is just being true to yourself?

But I digress.

At this juncture, I really dread to think that one day, I would have to make that choice for my children, and I really want to do right by them. To give them the opportunities to fluorish.
But of course, if I have the money to spare that is, because IP don't come cheap you know.

Which is sad isn't it? When it is so difficult to make that decision. One that could make all the difference in the world.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Just surfin' surfin' surfin'


Online Shopping is so blardy easy!

and Cheap!


Should I, should I not?

The million dollar question indeed.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

I know that...[1]

I know Oprah has been doing this since the inception of 'O'; but an article that I read today on this-personal truths caught my eye and spirit.

So I think I'd want to to start a series on my personal truths, whenever they hit me. My 'A-ha' moments (gotta love Mama Oprah), things that I know to be true, probably interspersed with my values, if you will.


Part 1 :

I know for sure that things happen for a reason.

In life, oftentimes we face forked stoned-paved paths that curved downwards, blocking what is ahead from our view. The left one? or the right? Uncertain of what's ahead, we get crippled by fear. And we find ourselves standing at this crossroads for the longest time, head and heart askew.

Or while we are happily skipping on a chosen path, we tripped on a stone and fall, tumbling onto the road, or the grassy bank. And we find ourselves sitting there for the longest time, nursing a scraped knee, tears welling-up, threatening to be free.

As things unfold, we question ourselves, we think of the Why. We question the Universe, we converse with God. We curse, we could not understand or we don't want to, sometimes.

But as we pick ourselves up and take the first step towards a chosen road; as we stick a plaster to our knee (after washing with clean water and applying antiseptic), we find that we are now open to opportunities that would not have been there if not for that experience, that perceived injustice that had happened to us.

And we find that we are not alone in this, that our backs and buttocks are always being supported, that the choices we make will work out in the end. For both roads are perfect and right in its own special way.

With a plastered knee we trod along, the roses still bloom, the leaves of the trees still sway oblivious. And everything comes into place in its own time. Highly probable that it may not be tomorrow, or the day after, but in its own time. And when that arrives, we realize that we are blessed.

For the human experience, is a journey. A journey of little moments-the jolts and brakes; the light and pretty.
Either way, a journey without an end.
Just the way it's supposed to be.

I forgot the password to my Blog

Dear Blog,

Esther mentioned about my blog being, well, very much dead - which is true, for I have not visited it myself for the past 3 months? I didn't have the urge to write, even in my own Diary - private until the death, that's for sure.

But I picked up the pen again, the other day and well here I am, finding myself typing '' on that white thingy you type URL's in. I'm not techno-savvy enough to know what it's called. Not even sure if the term URL is even correct. URL : Ultra Rightist Leftie?

Life has been interesting, life has been a blessing, life has been rough; life has been very fickle with me. And dear Hao Shen, I'm still bubbly and I love life, always in awe of the awesomeness in the air we breathe; but I think I'm more cynical now [ which I don't like very much, I might add :( ] Maybe one day I will lose that, it's a phase I need to get through. :)

I guess life throws me lessons that I need to learn, necessary for me to grow and be more centred, whole and true.

I'm going to graduate soon, onto a new phase of life. Excited? A little. Terrified? You have no idea, man. Being a true blue Taurean, change is not my best friend but nothing is ever constant but change. I'm changing, to receive change. To embrace it with all my heart.

I'm truly blessed, life has been enlightening. I'm grateful I don't have to pay back my PTPTN (Hahahahaaha *delirious)
and my Thesis went well, after all that stress; truly a manifestation of everything happening for a reason.


if I am incredibly lucky to get that award that come with that oh-so-mouth-watering cash prize, I'm able to pay back my parents and my education is F-R-E-E! Which is what I've always wanted.

I was happy to be shortlisted of course, but it wasn't foremost on my mind. But then..after the interview and learning how much it would mean- oh man. I really really want it! The other students who were there deserve it too I know, and I know deep down that I would be happy for the person who wins it.

But macha, winning it would be crazy wei.

I'm grateful for the chance lar of course.
So stop dreaming about it already! But I really want to make a Valedictorian speech-like you see in movies? Although people might be busy cam-whoring, but thinking bout it gives me goosebumps.

Oh well, either way, I'm grateful. *silent prayer*

Thank you. :)

Friday, April 09, 2010

Can't sleep


What about me?

Nothing to say.

Saturday, April 03, 2010


Honesty's the best policy, as they always say - most irritatingly.

But that's what I want, at this conjuncture of life- to be more honest with myself and the people around me.

Being nice is hard, it's tiring, it's quite some energy-sucking monster.

I want to be true, to be good to the core of me, to have a heart, a heart of warmth and kindness.


Now there's a word I don't hear often. Or often enough.

Oh man. I don't feel like myself recently, seems easily irritated.

Which is why I'm glad I'm home. Keeps me grounded. And safe. And I feel more like me again. Wholesome. Yeah, right.


Thoughts manifests themselves into reality, interestingly.

I was missing the gang, and Pei Sze came back and we had drinks at Jeth on Friday night.

Was thinking bout Popeye's and the family and I had that for dinner.

I kind of lost touch with Chandhu, and we met up for breakfast today. =D

Was thinking bout Esther, and I met her parents and aunt at the Optometrist's. Okay maybe that one was a bit off. But still.

And I went to watch a movie with the family after soooo long.
Was sitting there and wondering when was the last time we went to the movies together. Almost a year I think. The dynamics have changed quite a bit as now I'll watch with Adam; parents will watch every Weds by themselves (sometimes even on Tuesdays) and brother...well, he has my cousin, or he'll happily go alone.

But today, there were the four of us. Two buckets of popcorns and as usual, brother and I gobbled up parents' share as well.

And as I sat there, I remember....

That my dad likes to comment during movies.

A lot.

and Loudly.

And I had to shrink in my seat. lol.

But I love him anyways.


And I had McDonaldswantanmee,sweetpotatoes,sakaesushi,toastbread,currychicken,popcorn,BBQplaza today


and I love my bed.

And I should study or at least work on my thesis.

But I'm sleepy...

and I think I should sleep.

Yes yes yes.

I should.


And oh! It was raining and I was walking to class and...random poetry. What's better than randomness?

Murder is in the smell of the
The skies are heavy,
With droplets
And it poured.
Oh it poured.

Lightning sparked across the skies
Oh it thundered
And blood gushed...down.

The dirty stains
Drew patterns
on the muddy soaked floor.
Spoke of heartless killings
Cold. Bloody. Shiver.

Oh when it rained
Murder reigned.

Peer closely,
See the snuffed lives
On the floor,
See pieces

Pieces of the soul.

Look closely,
and see

Ye crushed, murdered


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

10 minutes break. Oh wait. it's 15 already. Shit.


Simple word eh? But fuyooo...brought about so many question marks.


It used to be so easy, when people ask me, how did you do so well in exams?
I find myself inadvertently answer, "Well, I was lucky."
Because I felt like I did not do extra nor do something so very exceptional. I wasn't a true-blue 10-hours-a-day studying type. The truth was, nothing makes me happier than to laze on the couch with the TV or with a good book. Which, to many felt like a complete and utter untruth.

When in actual fact, I do, completely and utterly tend to laze my butt off.

So I got straight A's.

And I got my first choice for University applications.

I thought so.
Until I felt as if my luck ran out, not too long ago.

Which got me thinking, was it really luck or was I being naive,
Or am I just trying to make myself feel better.

Already swirling thoughts was made even more tornado-like when there was this article on this topic on the Sunday Star. About how, it's not about luck, it's about seizing every opportunity there is and being open to looking for these opportunities.

Hmmm. Makes sense, no?

I don't know.

I do know that it has a little to do with belief.
So what if it wasn't really luck, or whether ye' ol' Lady Luck is alive and well.

If I believe that things will turn out good and that the Universe is looking after moi,

It will.

At this moment at least, I do feel that yes, our fate is in our hands, but.

There's nothing wrong with having a little faith.

And emptiness now and then.



I have faith that all will be good...and my thesis will be awesome!




The universe will take care of me one...hor?

Sunday, March 07, 2010

I should be studying but.

I really don't know what to do,
Except to stay here and wait,
Patiently for you.

I am myself, I am me.
But I am lost
Inside of you.

I need to search,
The lost me-
And stand.
On my feet.

To stay here waiting,
Waiting for you.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Idle time

Time is a-fleeting by like nobody's business.
Trying to catch but to no avail.
Life's a-filled with much, sometimes mesiness;
But behold, self will prevail.

Reading about Ah Fook in The Star (the disabled keropok seller who spent Chinese New Year alone) brought unexpected tears to my eyes.

Because in spite of all the fatigue and the happenings that might look remotely like faeces, I'm still blessed.


Thinking of blessings seems harder to do, but when you do it - it blows you away.


So with the whole lot of thinking that had to be done, in spite of it all, I had some time to think about me. About who I am as a person and how I perceive others:

1. I've realized that I love eating breakfast.

2. And eating it alone.

3. That I'm more sensitive to others' feelings than I thought.

4. And that, the reverse is not true.

5. That I need to look out for myself more

6. But how to, when selflessness is perceived as good?

Dilemma, dilemma.

8. That I'm quite contradictory

9. No, I'm not.


10. Yes, I am.

11. That I think too much

12. Think waaay too much

13. That I have to learn to stick to one, and go with the flow. No turning back! Not a peek!

14. That common chivalry and courtesy is wafting slowly away..*pew pew* *bye bye*

15. That asking is so blardy difficult.

16. And scolding too.

17. But that both are absolutely necessary.

18. That life is good and sweet.

19. And nothing beats a favourite tune coming on, when you least expect it. *dum dum*

20. That a child's cheeky smile reminds you that all is good.

21. That I'm not perfect.

22. That lesson has yet to sink into my grey matter in my head.

23. But will, eventually.

24. That I need to recover my faith.

25. In myself.

26. That I hate period cramps

27. That life is not a dress rehearsal (there's only one!) [read this in a book]

28. That I am me. he he he

29. Silly, gila, naughty, serious, calm, chaotic, random

30. Me.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Gobble Gobble

Pharmacy Night is a week away

....Shiiiiiit-ake mushroom.

Global Youth Symposium


Test next week




Health Marathon


@$%^%^!#@# !!!!


I need a break. But a break seems elusive.

A bit farneee no? I always say I need rest but I seem to take on more and more.
It's a disorder I need to fix.
I need an emotional and mental check-up really.

How nice if I can gobble up everthing and have nothing on my plate.

I would savour every taste with utter relish.

Chocolate coated projects, difficult people roasted with potatoes and mayo and tuna.

Yum Yum.
Mashed paperwork with steamed speeches and scrambled grammar check.
Strawberries-topped phone calls and fried restless nights-hokkien styled.


Oh what's that?

I cleaned my plate? Already?


And oh.

Don't worry too much about me, I'm alright =)

If my posts seem very emo, its just that my blog's the only avenue to vent emo stuff. Which is healthier than keeping it in, no?

Having said that, I'm still me. Older, wiser and a less wet behind the ears.

Banyak orang banyak ragam.
Memang benar kata orang tua-tua.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

I'm sorry.

I'm tired.

I'm tired it's my fault.

I'm tired of always having to carry baggage in my heart.

To not let it go.

Just. tired.