Thursday, November 26, 2009


It's not easy managing people.

People step all over my head like crazy.

I can be nice,

But please don't take advantage of me.

Because I can blow up one day. And then you better run for cover.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Eyes Half Shut

Sometimes I wish all the Gods in this world would merge and become one, instead of people exclaiming that theirs is the one true God.

I don't know.

What is right, what is wrong?

Who goes to heaven, and who to hell?
Disturbing ain't it, when people are condemned automatically to the depths of the fire.

I found that disturbing when I was younger, and it is disturbing to me still.
But with eyes more open now, it seems to me that humans are their worst enemy.
Distortions and twists, all borne out of fear and self-centeredness.

The ME in everyone, that feeds off glory and attention and perceived greatness.
That I am right, therefore you're wrong.
If I can prove you're wrong, therefore I'm right.

Which brings me to the question again,
What is right, what is wrong?

Mere words, that's what.

Sometimes it seems to me that the more I read, the more confused I get.
I do believe in God
I believe what I believe and
I guess

that's it.

I woke up today with pretty bad swollen eyes.
Been thinking a lot.

Had breakfast, cleared my work and did my things.
Thought a lot.

Dropped by at the library and found a book that I've been dying to read:
Paul Coelho's The Alchemist
And it made me think too.

Made me think about life, love and everything in between.

Impermanence; that life is only worth what you lived it to be.
What is ours will fade away, for it is not ours to hold on to, at the very beginning.

Surrender; to live in the moment and to surrender.
To live and- if to die, it is as a good a day to die than any day.

Peace; beauty is around us if only we lift our heads to see it as it is.
Beautiful as always. Things will fall into place, for nothing else if not for the best.

The value of me, the value of who I am and what I believe in, the value of my actions and its consequences.

Of the truth I am afraid no longer.

As hard as it is for me to see it.
I have to learn,

That I am worth it.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


It's Sunday night and I'm bored out of my wits.

Tears come for no reason and then they go away.

The highs and lows are back again, Feli.
Just when I thought that it was over.

But I have faith that it will go away. That I'll be stronger. That the both of us will be stronger. I'm 200% positive about that.

I believe that with all my heart.


Had fun with parents today.
Did a little bit of shopping, finally!
And gave mom her birthday present.
It's a pair of pink pearl earrings which luckily she liked; though I bought her earrings for her birthday countless times before. Heh.

Oh well, only like what 3 times only ma.
When you've bought so many birthday prezzies for the mom, you kind of run out of things to buy.
Wait la har. When I've earned loads of moo-lah, I'll buy her a holiday or some designer bag which I know she really wants but cannot afford.

Till then, hope that my love would make the small gifts suffice! *grins


I'm staying back in college out of choice.
For thesis sake and to settle a lot of things pending.

I thought I'll be okay, with the one I love being so close.
Closer than if I was home.
I figured we'd spend more time together, now with exams out of the way.

But right now I feel so blardy alone.

Ever more so than ever.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Rain rain go away

Esther : Why your blog ah, always so depressing posts one.

Me : *grins* Depressed only have to express mar, so mah express on this void that is cyberspace lo.

Anyways, if its happy times, I'll tell people personally one. Malas want to write. Heh.

So in the spirit of this,

This post is also to exclaim that,

There's a cloud hanging over my head.
Sigh. I'm sure the cloud will go away very, very soon.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I need a clearer head with sleep but sleep is avoiding my like a plague

Sometimes I wonder,

What have I gotten myself into?

Is it all that worth it?


Experienced the raw manifestation of sheer tactlessness today.

And what I absolutely beh tahan is that I allowed them to see me in a moment of weakness.

When I so needed strength- it deserted me.
A distinct reminder yet again, that I am only human.

I'm never quick to anger, but in this case -
I really cannot see the sincere intentions of it all; other than hypocrisy and narcissism.
At least at this very moment.

Which is really, very sad.

Belittling people covered in a thin, translucent shroud of an excuse;
dosn't justify the meaning of service in the smallest sense.

If you can't see that, then I wish you a happy life.
Like, sincerely.