Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
But I just have to let this one go.
It's so easy to lose oneself, to a relationship; agreeing just to keep the peace.
But I've learned today that it's so stupid of me to think that I should compromise my thoughts for the sake of an artificial sense of 'well-being'.
So unreal because even if it looks alright at the surface,
that surface will never remain unbroken forever - as fragile as it actually is.
I've learned that it's perfectly okay to disagree;
that he'll still be there even if we clash in opinions-so long that we talk it through and that our intentions are good.
But not petty arguments, of course.
It stems from insecurity, I know. And the years of being a crowd-pleaser.
A defender of peace, an advocate of 'Anything-la.'
From the outside, I always thought that I'm smarter than that, that I'm stronger than that. But I guess being in it, is a whole different ballgame altogether.
I've fallen into traps that I've vowed never to fall.
I'm glad that you made me see the error of my ways. For giving me that wake up call.
For showing me that I'm letting myself slip through my grasp.
And for loving me throughout it all.
That's the lesson I've learned,
Friday, May 01, 2009
I’ve read Og Mandino’s ‘The Choice’ a couple of years ago and finished it in one sitting, reading late into the wee hours of the morning. It was an incredibly insightful book, one that brought tears to my eyes; one that had me reaching out for my diary to scribble down one single sentence :
“I choose a better way to live!”
Along the way, as how the book aptly describe it, we ride on this high wave of feel-good-nothing-is-impossible-I-can-do-anything until the wave crashes into the golden burnt sand again.
Along the way, we forget. I forget.
But blessed is he, for he has the printed word.
I picked up the book again, in the wee hours of the morning yesterday; mind tired after a barrage of examinations but unwilling to sleep, wanting to milk the moment a little longer-the knowledge that I have one week before the last two papers.
I’m weird, I know. Sleepy when I shouldn’t be but insomniac when sleep is totally affordable.
And the words sprang out and touched me again, like waves, it hit me again.
“So long as I have something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for, I shall be happy.”
People look for happiness; seeking for things or someone to make them happy but sometimes we forget that the only thing that can make us happy,
Satisfied are we, with all that we have; the half-filled glass, that nail-less toe, we shall be happy.
We choose to be happy. Happiness is ne’er about owning an iPhone or the latest car; Happiness is within us.
For what’s it worth, having the yellow sunbeam gracing upon our skin can be as much a source of joy as anything else. It’s our choice, such blessing it is; to be able to choose.
I can blardy well be elated that I’m able to read and learn about Pharmacoepidemiology and to learn that Camellia sinensis is tea; such beautiful, exquisite name.
Atropa belladonna. How it rolls the tongue, filling the head with images of beautiful dolls in flowing white dresses, dancing along to tinkling bells in green and yellow meadow.
It is, and always will be my choice, you know. *grins
I’m grateful for a lot of things, for I’m living a very blessed life by many standards. Lest I forget, which is normal, let me read, recollect and remember. And let me remind myself that to be able to breathe itself is awesomeness to its core.
I choose a better way to live! Version 2.0