Saturday, March 29, 2008

Friday Night

I Grew.

I flip through old photographs of me; I couldn’t recognize the girl in those pictures anymore.

I don’t feel like her, I may even be forgiven if I mistook her for a stranger.

You know deep down in you; that you somehow have a connection with her but you know for sure that she is not what you are today.


Do you remember how scared you were of something new?

Do you remember how unsure you were about being who you are?

That you were terrified, absolutely terrified that you will lose that eloquent self that you were.

Afraid that you find out that you were, in fact a hypocrite.


You find that you stumble upon pieces of yourself scattered everywhere.

You find a piece one day, the next; maybe the next week.

Uncertain of who you are morphing into,

Hoping and praying that she is a better person than who you were.


And you thought your soul-searching teenage days were over.


You were wrong my friend, you’re still growing.

And my friend, I think you secretly rejoice in the fact that you are; in fact, still growing.

No matter how freaking scary it is, a dark room, wondering if there is a candle at the end of your journey-that you will find your skin.


Your beautiful brown skin.

Neither white, nor ebony,

Your freaking brown-yellow skin.

And your beating, bloody heart.

5 comments:

MyKy said...

"Lose that eloquent self that you were"
Never my dear friend, for eloquence and brilliance shall never leave oneself. It is the person who either pick it up, or leave it behind.

At times i wish i could degrow and go back to kids.

But then again, this thought came into mind, "Sh*t wei, then i'll have to go through STPM again!"
Hahaha

Samuel said...

well... if I were to have a chance to degrow back i will not go for the STPM d lor..

MyKy said...

Sigh now tht i read this post again, here's wat i felt:

I feel good, to become what i am now. I feel i've changed alot, thankfully for the good (of cos not all ><).
I feel i'm more towards a listener now.
I feel i'm more humble now (never during debates of cos ><)
I feel...... so femalely deprived.

Haha ok ok the last one ain't so good.

gypsy-on-the-move said...

i feel good being where and what i am now... =)
sometimes, i think, growing up comes with changes, no?
myky, femalely deprived??? aduh..heym we have a similarity...we become more of a listener!

amy-da-great said...

to-all
I guess all of us have changed, eh?
it's ineveitable, and it's a good thing.
We wouldn't want to be stagnant and have the same way of thinking as when we were what? 10?

But its funny isn't it when such changes come so sudden and so soon that how you look at things just a year before has suddenly turned 180degrees.

But who ever said human beings are a simple lot?
=)