Friday, April 18, 2008

sleepy afternoon

"What is most important to you in life, other than your family?"

I was put in a spot, forced to think about something that I've never thought of seriously; to place what is important to me in a ranking order. The moment I said it though, it just felt so right.

"To make a difference."

Shit, I sound so cliched.

But that's it really, I would die happy even if I was poor and dying of hunger if I know that I have done just that- to have lived, loved hard, and leaving a little of my soul behind. A little with my family, a little with those I've had the privilege to cross paths with and a little in the eyes of whom I've known all my life and who have known me, all their lives as well.

I've been thinking about me ( who else to think about?) these few days, during dreamy moments amidst the times of studying. I wonder about my strengths and weaknesses and wonder whether I've become stronger or in fact, weaker. I think about the possible events that have happened in my life that could have bring about a more feeble me, a me that doubts and hesitates.

Uncertainties.
Shrouding endlessly.

But I know I'm me, and there will never be another quite like me.
My quirks and madness and strengths and of course, weaknesses come together to represent this human being that is me.
I may never be perfect but those imperfections are perfectly pivotal to build this 50 kg (probably more) worth of flesh and blood.

Plus, hearing, seeing and holding kids who are less fortunate (in conventional sense-family, money, education) puts things into perspective. Makes you realize just how blardy fortunate some of us are.

And to worry about little things like perception and imperfections?
So, So silly.

I'm in the driver's seat, this is my life and what I make of it is wholly my doing.
May not necessarily be a Mercedez Benz but I'm one freaking cool kap chai motor.

3 comments:

MyKy said...

Making a difference is a good thing.
Caring for others, is a good thing.

Caring for others till neglected yourself, tht's a stupid thing.

Because while u care of others when they're in need, the reverse may not necessarily be true.

The keyword is always balance.

Tata

Samuel said...

god love those who die young...

haha.. my accounting tuition teacher told me this...

but I am not trying to tell you to go kill yourself now.. bwahahaha...

making a difference! yeah!

harimau mati meninggalkan belang manusia mati meninggalkan nama...

since we all are "harimau".. so we all will tinggal both nama and belang...

bwahahaha

R.G. said...

sometimes, when you think like that, it does make you feel a lot better. However, when it comes to doing it, to do something selfless, many may not notice this, but it does take something from you as well.

Just like how you would believe in the world's balance, when there is a selfless thought in you, there will also be a selfish one hiding at the back unknowingly.

And it will appear like the devil in you if you're not careful of the thoughts deep in you.

But as long as you have faith in yourself and remember why you do what you do, things wouldn't go too wrong. Good Luck.

-Ruddy