In between H2 receptor antagonists and Proton Pump Inhibitors

I think I'm suffering from withdrawal syndrome.
Having had a taste of what could have, has left me wanting more and impatient of what lies ahead. Granted, it's not for me to taste to begin with, it's so very wrong but it feels so right.
Now why is that so I wonder?

Where is that righteous, sword-wielding, value-upholding, thou-shalt-not-litter part of me that is so meekly surrendering to the wants of the heart and the body?
Where are you when I need you?

I say out loud that I should do this or that but I can't help but be a girl about it. Shit, guilt haunts when it could but happiness just chased it all away. Shoo! It says, Carpe diem! It says.
Hypocritical?

What the heck, SIEZE THE DAY!

Ah, but conscience knows me all too better, taking me on this rollercoaster ride that I've never been on before, heard off; but never really yearned for it.
I was in line for it, but I figured that the line was still a long way ahead.
I thought it snaked and twisted and turned into an unseen corner.

But there I was, right in front of the line.

I was old enough, tall enough to pass the red line that differentiates those who can and who weeps,
Wasn't pregnant,
No cardiovascular disease, the last I checked.

Go ahead?
Go ahead!
Nudged those at the back, wanted to ride on it as well.
Whaddareyouwaitingfor?!
...I....I...
Hesitation.

"......sieze the day....."
I could hear a whisper.

Barely audible, but a whisper, nonetheless.

Heart sings,

So how la dei?

Wrong or right, right or wrong, left or right, right or left, yes or no, no or yes,
Who's to say, who's to know?

She took a breath

And took a step...

Forward.
2 steps back?