It's all coming back to me now

I was at IJN (Institute Jantung Negara) yesterday, to visit my beloved Uncle who had undergone a heart bypass surgery recently. Weak and noticeable thinner, but he was alright, nevertheless, of which I'm truly grateful. I'm sure sometimes you hear of stories where loved ones seem to notice something amiss about a person before something happens to him/her or that that particular person in question does something totally away from routine. I noticed that about my Uncle, on my last visit back to Penang. He was more quiet, reserved and perhaps a little less like himself. I was curious but dismissed it off and then we received news that he had a heart attack and is to come to KL for the aforementioned surgery.
Funny isn't it?
He was always a tough cookie to crack, in a good sense.
I'm glad he's okay.
But I digress.

He showed us his looong scars on his chest, one vertically down and two across, below the ribcage(which caused my mom to immediately coil, she can't stand seeing scars and people cutting into people ), and I immediately realized that I feel better about my decision, at least feel better for now.
What decision, you may ask?
The decision of taking routes other than medicine.
I know its tedious and darn annoying so don't read if you don't want to. What-the-hell-it's-my-blog-anyways.

I distinctly remember that I wanted to be the person in white i.e. a doctor because I wanted to save the world which is weird because it would be easier to set my heart on being a female version of Batman.
And then along primary school, I was (A) too lazy to change my ambition and (B) ignorantly idealistic.
Secondary school, well, pretty much the same coupled with the fact that I find myself enjoying Biology.
Along the way, I had doubts but I kept it to myself.
And then, There I was, having to decide and the thing is that I CAN do it, so a lot of people deemed it best for me to make full use of the opportunity and not WASTE it.
But I've decided, so lets not dwell on it.

But I digress, again.

Okay, so when I saw my Uncle's scars, it suddenly occured to me that I couldn't possibly bring myself to cut him up, and that all patients are someone else's aunt, uncle, grandfather, mother, brother. The reality of it is so raw, so tangible and I'm fairly sure I couldn't do it, to have a hand in determining one's life, whether it should be prolonged or shortened. Of course, life and death are not in our hands and that maybe through training one may gain enough knowledge for one to know what to do which is why doctors receive so long a training.
At the same time, the prospect of working in a hospital environment, with the numerous people, both patients and staff, and the miracles going on inside, Wow. Thrilling. As long as I don't have to kill people, or even, have a possibility of my causing their deaths.

University Results are rumoured to be out by the 3rd week of June. By then, we'll know for sure what the future holds.
Scary.