I'm in love

I'm in love with someone.
And I found out that I wasn't the only one smitten. Argh.
He's so gentlemanly, so sensible, so tall, so brooding.
And his voice, oh-my-god. Totally melting.
I want Him to read me poetry instead.
The only problem was, he doesn't know who I am.
And oh yeah, he's 60.

He's Alan Rickman, as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility, which I happen to watch for maybe the 4th time? Hey, blame Astro for putting it on reruns. I don't mind watching it again. In fact, I have the book riiight on my table.

His niece's name is Amy, as is yours truly and he's appeared in Texas's video, In Demand, of which the band is one of my favourites. We're meant to be, no?

Now, for those who really don't know who the hell he is, let me put it this way,

He's Professor Severus Snape.

Shocking?

I've always had weird tastes. Heh heh.

Medicine vs God?

Mr. Buttercup brought up something which I deemed quite interesting.
The thread of thought in which to advocate medicine is to go against God. Now, where have I heard of this before? Oh yeah, Dan Brown's 'Angels and Demons', which I've recently read-Another book burned-.

In it, a couple absolutely refused to allow doctors to treat their sickly and bedridden son, but instead turned solely to the power of faith and prayer. Eventhough the boy begged for treatment, writhing in agony, his parents remained steadfast. Eventually, one doctor couldn't take it anymore and administered treatment, in secret, which saved the boy's life but confined him to a wheelchair for the rest of his days.

The interesting bit was, his parents, dismayed by the fact that he may not ever walk again, took him to their place of religion in hopes that he may be cured but instead received counsel that the lifeless legs were probably the result (or curse) of the lack of faith. Therefore a punishment.
Therein lies the question, would the boy really be miraculously cured and be up and running in time if the good doctor decided not to kay poh , or did he do the right thing in saving the boy regardless of whether he may retain the use of his legs?
Or would he be completely cured if his parents turned to doctors in the very first place?

I would probably accept that these things occur fairly frequent in days of old where anything new and technological is branded blasphemous.
Now, in the century that we live in, in an age where huge plasma TVs make watching football so enjoyable, would you still think that to engage in medicines and Medicine in itself is to go against God? Are our lives so predetermined that out dates of deaths are already written and sealed, never to be changed to a later date? And thus never to try to extend our passports on this earth through the 'miracles' of science?

I should very much like to think that we're living in an enlightened but very paradoxical times. We receive so much of both side of a coin, in terms of Faith-feeling instead of seeing, Science-believing only what one sees, that its no wonder at all that there are so many confused people around. Ah. But ignorance is bliss, no?
No.
To be able to think as we do now is one of the wonders of living. Confused, yes, but right now, we are learning to be.
I believe that to be here, here to absorb lessons, catered specifically for each individual, in itself is something to be awed. If surgery causes someone to pass on permaturely or prolong one's life, do we not call them God's will too?
SO what exactly is that will upon us?
I would love to think that that will, is for us to be who we are, really are, inside. And to learn and live. Short or long, immaterial, what's important is to make it worthwhile, even if to no one else but oneself.
And most importantly, to learn to breathe.


By the way, if you're curious on what happened to the boy in the end, go read the book.

Or you can always ask. =)

It's all coming back to me now

I was at IJN (Institute Jantung Negara) yesterday, to visit my beloved Uncle who had undergone a heart bypass surgery recently. Weak and noticeable thinner, but he was alright, nevertheless, of which I'm truly grateful. I'm sure sometimes you hear of stories where loved ones seem to notice something amiss about a person before something happens to him/her or that that particular person in question does something totally away from routine. I noticed that about my Uncle, on my last visit back to Penang. He was more quiet, reserved and perhaps a little less like himself. I was curious but dismissed it off and then we received news that he had a heart attack and is to come to KL for the aforementioned surgery.
Funny isn't it?
He was always a tough cookie to crack, in a good sense.
I'm glad he's okay.
But I digress.

He showed us his looong scars on his chest, one vertically down and two across, below the ribcage(which caused my mom to immediately coil, she can't stand seeing scars and people cutting into people ), and I immediately realized that I feel better about my decision, at least feel better for now.
What decision, you may ask?
The decision of taking routes other than medicine.
I know its tedious and darn annoying so don't read if you don't want to. What-the-hell-it's-my-blog-anyways.

I distinctly remember that I wanted to be the person in white i.e. a doctor because I wanted to save the world which is weird because it would be easier to set my heart on being a female version of Batman.
And then along primary school, I was (A) too lazy to change my ambition and (B) ignorantly idealistic.
Secondary school, well, pretty much the same coupled with the fact that I find myself enjoying Biology.
Along the way, I had doubts but I kept it to myself.
And then, There I was, having to decide and the thing is that I CAN do it, so a lot of people deemed it best for me to make full use of the opportunity and not WASTE it.
But I've decided, so lets not dwell on it.

But I digress, again.

Okay, so when I saw my Uncle's scars, it suddenly occured to me that I couldn't possibly bring myself to cut him up, and that all patients are someone else's aunt, uncle, grandfather, mother, brother. The reality of it is so raw, so tangible and I'm fairly sure I couldn't do it, to have a hand in determining one's life, whether it should be prolonged or shortened. Of course, life and death are not in our hands and that maybe through training one may gain enough knowledge for one to know what to do which is why doctors receive so long a training.
At the same time, the prospect of working in a hospital environment, with the numerous people, both patients and staff, and the miracles going on inside, Wow. Thrilling. As long as I don't have to kill people, or even, have a possibility of my causing their deaths.

University Results are rumoured to be out by the 3rd week of June. By then, we'll know for sure what the future holds.
Scary.

And it hit me like falling rocks.

Have you ever spared a thought on the way you've been treating the people who wait on you? In restaurants, pubs, cafeterias, etc.
I have. And I feel guilty. Guilty as a crook.
I find myself sometimes,unwittingly, taking them for granted, and not according them the respect that they deserve, as if I'm on a higher pedestal and that is disgustingly wrong.
They deserved more than snapped fingers and rude name-calling.
If any, an 'Excuse me', coupled with a friendly disposition would be so much better than a scowl and an 'Eh!' because no one, absolutely no one would like to be made feeling small, considering we are ALL equals.
I'm sorry and I'll try to change my errs.

For, of course, Do unto others what you would others do unto you.

Jam....and butter, anyone?

It took us approximately 2 and a half hours to get from Damansara to Klang just now.
Go figure.
Lesson learnt : Always leave for home early or long after working hours. Go drink some coffee or shop around or better still, go EAT a sumptuous dinner before attempting to get home. Especially if it's raining outside. Never assume the better of KL traffic!
Thank goodness I wasn't the one driving and OMG how relieved I am that I didn't have to go relief myself in the midst of the neverending jam.
But I didn't mind it half that much because
1. I wasn't hungry and therefore not cranky.
2. I had company. I quote, somewhat : "I think talking non-stop for an hour has given me a headache. I feel dizzy." ahem. heh heh.
3. I didn't have anything else better to do anyway.

I came across a book on Baby Names this evening( don't go judging that I'm having some maternal instincts or something, which I most definitely am not), and saw this :

amy ( educated, calm)

Seems that the name 'amy' comes across as being, obviously, educated and calm.
About being educated, well, I know that C comes after B and that the last letter of the alphabet is Z, which should be good enough.
Now, that calmness part I'm not sure. But I think I'm fairly calm.
On the outside. At the very least.

Not bad at all.

Good to know, eh?

Soul Patrol !

American Idol repeat is in the background (11.30 pm);
And Taylor's sweet voice filled the air.
And of course, Katherine's.
But I've always been biased towards Taylor. The Cute White-haired Underdog. Well, Elliot actually had the other half of my affections but when he was voted out, it's Taylor, Taylor, Taylor! Kat had the voice but I don't know...I just prefer him.
Ooo..you should catch the results show. The number of guest artists just blew me away. Legendary ones; Mary J.Blige, Dionne Warwick, Prince (*gasp) etc. Surprise after surprise, brilliant! Didn't catch the first half of the live telecast at 8 am 'tho. Slumber won the war this morning and I'm never one who'd forsake slumber's calling.
But I caught the results anyway. Kan cheong man!

Love music, love soul!

Of doubts and wonders

Today's Oprah : Doubt = Don't do it.

Doubt is a way of God or whatever form/forms the higher being that you believe in, of telling you that you are not sure and therefore to not do it. It may also be your conscience telling you that you aren't as ready as you think so don't be a smartass just yet.

But, how do you know that the niggling doubt that you have inside you is nothing but pure unadulterated fear? And that that fear of something unknown, unstable and new might just jeopardize you in the end? Some live for the unknown, I know, making decisions in the blink of an eye and never turn their heads to look behind and think again, and again for that matter. But I am a typical Taurean. I like stability but routine scares me. Bullish, and horny horn-Y (with horns).

I guess you'll never know unless you take that step and the most beautiful thing is, the road you choose is a real-life adventure. You get to be a buccaneer, swaggering cowboy or a Can-Or-Not in outer space. The journey itself is worth the shot.
Mental note : Whatever path you're on, remember to smell the roses on the way? Even if you do sometimes get lost somewhere.

...

Discovered that Counter Statistics can actually tell you a lot ! From the number of new visitors, hits, to graphs and percentages, it's kinda fun!
and I stumbled upon this :


Referring URL: http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=chuah sim mei&fr=FP-tab-web
May 24, 2006 04:14:02 AM
Windows XP
Internet Explorer 6.0

Means that someone found this blog by looking up 'chuah sim mei' over at Yahoo! .
Hmm.
Plenty of CSMs in this world right?

Even I looked up 'amy chuah' once before at Bloggers because I was too darn bored. But this time, I wasn't the one looking.
Hmm Hmm.

-Tagged-

I AM: Essentially me. Oxymoronic - simply complicated.

I JUST NOW: sat my fat butt in front of the idiot's box to watch LOST.

I SAID: "give it to me lar!" when my mom told me my aunt might be winning a new hp and she said she, i.e my aunt, should give it to her, i.e. my mom. See what happens when you have a lot of females in your family?

I WANT: to be grateful with what I have and not feel crappy or envious or whatever for what I don't have or not blessed to receive.

I WISH: I was by the beach, listening to the waves and looking at the stars.

I HATE: feeling so shitty when I shouldn't. I hate it when I sometimes snap at my parents when I know I shouldn't and I hate people who litter when the dustbin is riiight in front of them. No one is picking up your rubbish after you! And I hate it when people belittle my complains and think that my life is all perfect.

I MISS: being carefree and careless. Okay, I Am still careless.

I FEAR: that I might miss the boat or boats - Scholarship, and like Esther, young love. And I Fear that my life would be meaningless and would not leave a mark on humanity. A positive mark.

I HEAR: advertisements on AXN and mommy dearest speaking over the phone - 'container sudah tarik?'.

I WONDER: whether I am actually a hypocrite. Am I?

I REGRET: Nope. can't think of any. There are no regrets, only lessons- Ern reminded me of that.

I AM NOT: That confident actually. I do have self-doubts. 'I'm Only human, of flesh and blood are made.'

I SING: for fun and to irritate people.

I CRY: When I'm alone and watching sappy love stories or even reading sad books. And I sometimes cry when it's just too much.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: sane.

I MADE: good friends that I'll treasure. I'm talking bout you!

I WRITE: sense when I'm sane and nonsense when I'm insane. Perfectly logical.

I CONFUSE: others by talking in in huge circles and then when I stop talking, I forget what I was talking about. Inilah akibatnya when words come out of my mouth without going through the brain.

I NEED: my family and friends to be happy and healthy.

I SHOULD: be sleeping like a pig.

I START: thinking bout appreciating life and live it more but I find myself occasionally falling into routine or self-pity.

I FINISH: when I think I've finished.

I TAG : kexin, kin wai!

I didn't know, but I now I do

Rawa Island turned out to be what I've expected and more. Charming little island on which there's only a single stretch of powdery white sandy beach, a jetty, chalets, a restaurant-cum-cafe-cum-lounge-cum-reception area and of course, the sea; it's isolated and yet accessible.
And of course, there's the people there, bikini-clad ang mohs and foreigners, plus Singaporean chinese. Cheap wei for the our Southern neighbours, what's the foreign exchange ady, like what, half price for 'em?so near some more..*envious*

I shall spare you the details, suffice to say, snorkelling and watching the fishes go by is now one of my favourite past times. So mesmerizing that you'll even forget to breathe, that is when renting the equipment is too expensive and you've only your trusty ol' goggles to satisfy your lust. I never knew swimming in the sea can be so addictive. In waters where I can reach the bottom la of course, I'm not That adventurous.

And of course, I put on weight. Whaddaya expect? 3 meals are provided for, by the only restaurant there, on schedule of course. And it's buffet, baby!
Eastern and Western delights, in at least 15 types of dishes for each meal from roti canai to syruppy pancakes, from fried rice to pasta, from chicken to lamb, mangoes, bananas plus loads, loads more.
Oh, did I mention that they had BBQ dinners too? oo..squids and lamb..
Now, what's a girl to do but to stuff herself silly?

We stayed here. Rustic charm, eh? No TV, no phone, no radio. Though, I managed to catch the FA final in the cafe. Sound effects whenever there's a goal : Of joy, and also, of anguish from the other footies gathered there.

I found my HAMMOCK! You have to pull extremely hard to pry me away from it.

But, before you lie down, pray that dear Isaac Newton will not prove his theory of gravity on you. Coconuts are heavier than apples. Much heavier.

The days pass by fast in the land where peacocks roam free

Huge lizards cross your path,

And beautiful views take your breath away,
In the morning,

Or in the evening.

All too soon, it's time to bid goodbye.

Not before I've left my mark, of course!

Adieu, Rawa Island, may generations to come have the good fortune of making your acquaintance!

Hooooliday

I'm off to Rawa Island, yes, even I have never heard of it, off the coast of Johor.
Organized by my mom's company, they paid for my dad and her but she paid to drag my brother and me along.
My father wasn't too excited about it, his perfect holiday is to stay at home.
But my mom paid for us,her offsprings, which basically screams at my father:
You're coming along whether you like it or not!
So, whether he likes it or not, we'll be going. Leaving tonight and will be back on Sunday.
The idea of sun, sand and sea always sound good to me.
Backed with supplies of reggae songs,
It'll either be paradise or it'll crash and burn.
Let's see where the pendulum swings shall we? I will try to go with a positive view anyway.
So here goes,
Yay ! I'll be going to the beach !
Til then, muaks.

No woman no cry

My girlfriends and I had this conversation the other day regarding, what else, love, like and what-nots.
And it doesn't help that this particular topic : first love, relationships, kept cropping up in newspapers, TV etc.
Or maybe I'm just overly sensitive.
But anyway, It got me thinking. I'm 20 going on 45 and I've never been in any serious relationships..or any relationship, period. (of course there are family and friends;... you know what I mean)
So, am I missing out on something that might be good? Or should I count my lucky stars that I never had to crack my head and bawl over something like zis?
Of course I would want my first to last, or maybe be the last, but girls just wanna have fun. No? Nah, not that type. I think.
I agree, sometimes I do envy those in healthy relationships but at the same time, it scares me half to death to be so close with someone else.
Someone once told me that I'm unwilling to open up my heart, yeah, for you to stuff a knife in?!
I don't know, the opportunities that came along throughout my 20 years of life are either
-wrong timing
-wrong person
-bad chemistry
And it's not like I'm Miss Universe. Don't jual mahal ! Tsk Tsk..
And most of the time, or rather all of the time, I hid behind this humongous sturdy rock of 'studies first'. I ain't saying that's not good though, Studies should, in fact come first.
But I'm good .
I'm my own person.
I have me. That's all I need !

Another book burned

She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb was the exact reason why I don’t usually buy contemporary fiction. But I bought it anyway, swayed by 30% discount in MPH and of course, from a certain high because it was my birthday.
I was in the middle of a few other books when I started on it but finished it anyway.
But I digress.
Now, I don’t usually fancy contemporary fiction because number 1, it’s too real. Real as in the feelings and the emotions are so ‘now’ that it’s basically as raw as you can get; and it’s more often than not, littered with foul words. The ubiquitous F word (fun, fame, and farce, whatever.)

Secondly, it’s because of the Sex.

Why oh why must there be some form of copulating, in explicit detail in between?
If I would have wanted to know how 2 humans copulate, I would just get myself some x-rated magazine or something.

Maybe because sex sells.
Or maybe because it’s so human nature, that you can’t tell a story about somebody without that somebody have sex some time during his/her lifetime?
Sometimes it feels like I’m reading pornography.

But She’s Come Undone isn’t all bad. It succeeds superbly in pulling the reader into the life of its heroine, Dolores through her childhood, rebellious adolescence and finally to her adulthood, where she finally found salvation, love and life.
It’s not that bad actually.
Now, I’m figuring whether I can sell it back to MPH and get back my money.
Gosh, amy, go to the library instead!

pink pig mama

See my name? Of course you can.

I had tea this evening with the king, queen, sultan and other royalty-looking people whom I don't know.
The problem was, I doubt they even know they had tea with me.
Oh well.
I was unexpectedly chosen as one of the lucky 4 from the school to go, the others being the principal, zhi yuan and nuramalina (I think that's how you spell it). So basically I'm going by meself, which I didn't mind. I'm there for the food, picture-taking and people-watching.
Now, me being me, I didn't pick out an outfit until the very last minute. Thank goodness the night before my mom managed to borrow a baju kurung for me to wear.
A pink baju kurung.
A Bright, LOA baju kurung.

SO, I was on the dot, 4 pm, as stated on the invitation card and the event started only at around 4.45. I should have known, we're Malaysians anyway.

Walked in, snapped pictures, drew curious stares, and then, lo and behold I found a familiar face! Actually, I found a few familiar faces; ex-tuition mates, ex-primary school mate, ex-secondary school mate, ex-student etc. No ex-boyfriend though.

And so we sat. And took pictures. And sat some more.

And grew restless, so we decided to be paparazzis for a day. Sneaked to the front, and waited for the elusive king to arrive.

All the king's soldiers..

There he is!

The national and state anthems were played by a band. Surprisingly, No one was singing. They must have forgotten the words. After which there were some performances.

Let the feast begin. Notice the free ice-cream. Long queue for it ! And most of them men.

Took a stroll through the palace.

After the speeches and all, it's time for them to leave. We were fortunate enough to be at the right place and the right time thus we managed to get real close-up shots of them.

Waiting patiently.

A moment with the rakyat.

The gorgeous Queen.

The Sultan.

Ta ta!

And the rakyat goes back to their humble homes, to their humble lives, tummies full, believing that they were in the very least, at least once, blessed in the presence of royalty.

Posh limosines rolled out, police sirens blared into the distance and the rakyat, got stuck in a traffic jam.

Thank thee, 3 lil' piggies !

The interview on Tuesday was basically a frontal crapping session, but honoured to be chosen for the final interview nonetheless. Made me feel grateful that I live at a considerable distance of Port Klang instead of Penang, Malacca and god-knows-where like some of the interviewees there. Two interviewers per person, 40-45 minutes each where the usual were dished out; about myself, achievements, challenges, general knowledge, etc.
Talked all the way to China and back. In circles.
Basically it went like this.

Interviewer : The interview is divided into 3 parts, da da da... So, tell us about yourself.

Me : I have a mother, a father, an elder brother and we live in Port Klang.
I didn't stop there of course.

Interviewer : Give us your biggest co-curricular achievements.

Me : I didn't know what the hell to say and which to choose so I just said the first thing that came into my mind, which was,
Erm, to be entrusted with the faith of being a head prefect?
of which I almost kicked myself the moment I said it.

Interviewer : Why?
Of course there'd be a why

Me : Blabbed some more.

Interviewer : The challenges faced?

Me : Blabbed again, with some salt and pepper added unwittingly

Interviewer : We would need specific examples.

Me : Why of course. More salt and pepper. And ajinomoto.

And it continued.

My general question was regarding Sports. Advantages, Disadvantages, the role it plays. I felt like I was writing a karangan, albeit the only thing moving was my mouth. Felt a little cheesy, actually, but I blabbed anyway without an inkling whether I was off topic or whether what I said made any sense. It was an experience anyway, so if I do get it, it would be great, if I don't, I'm sure they gave it to more deserving individuals.

Met up with friends for a free dinner ala a somewhat fine dining ( Free food + sim mei = happy sim mei) at the Taylors' Hospitality and Tourism campus for the students' practical thingy. I didn't know that this guy, a Taylors student, who would be serving us paid for the food. I just assumed that it's free, provided for by the college. It was afterall, a practical. Felt sorry that we weren't as accomodating as we should. Couldn't blame us, it started late. And we didn't have any caramelized bananas. Such a sin. lmao.
But I had another friend thank him again when I found out later on.
So I feel a lil' teeny bit better. But felt bad just the same.

Now, Wednesday was blast.
4 pigs; pig mama( that would be yours truly) , pig butt, pig head and pig tail met up for a belated birthday gathering at The Curve.
The result?
This.
For the record, I purposely sang off key. Or like what Hao Shen said, as if that song had a key in the first place. =Þ
one pig is missing, the one holding the camera, thanks esther aka pig butt.








the pictures would be pretty self-explanatory.


I'm always hungry. feet unite
Masked

Masks off !

Failed attempt of self pic-taking

take 2 !

Ee Von had to work at 4 so the other 3 pigs adjourned to 1U for jalan and drinks.Kluang Station's Coffee and bread ain't that bad!

Now, Thursday was good fun too.

Went to redbox, SP with ex Form 5 classmates, since those in Universities and Colleges are having holidays now and to kind of celebrate birthdays.

Happy Belated Mei Ching ! and Happy Birthday May Lynn!

We sorta went bonkers, singing also, Malay songs like Cindai and Kau Ilhamku (a staple!) and oldies like The Great Pretender.

Drank coffee,literally, at Delifrance.

I totally blame that huge mug of super strong freshly-brewed coffee for my insomnia last night.

Today's Friday. No plans, except tuition later in the evening.

As for tomorrow, I'll be having tea with the King.

Back home

A man, wearing an elaborate and colourful horse costume was dancing and jingling to the drum-laden music.
My niece, Anjali, howled immediately. Avvinash, my month-old nephew stared starry-eyed, mouth gaping wide, silent.
Welcome to Palace d' India, Penang, where two families united in a marriage gather in an age-old tradition of feasting. Vegetarians, Carnivores ; Males, Females; Young, old; Chinese, Indian. All starving.
Curries : Delicious (The softest mutton i've ever tasted!)
Ambience : Superb and romantic. There's this live band too and the lead singer (a pretty Indian lady) was singing songs from Hindi movies ala 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai' to Theresa Teng songs in Mandarin. I didn't know where to hide my face.
The after-dinner coffee was a sight to behold in itself. It was served in a small round pot in which the coffee is then tarik'ed to a steel cup from way up high right in front of you by the waiter. A pair of steady hands, he has got.
Spent the whole trip in Penang going to temples to repay and give thanks on blessings upon my results. We didn't go to Batu Feringghi, so no, no cheap DVDs. Thats why I didn't call all of you asking whether you guys want 'em. Sorry ye.
On Monday, after breaking fast, we dropped by at Taiping to pray at this Goddess of Mercy temple which has been sort of like a family temple, a place for blessings, refuge and of course, to ask things and to clear doubts.
Drove some more ( I didn't anyway) and voila. Home sweet home.

I have an interview tomorrow, for this Shell Scholarship.
Fingers crossed !


Recently finished : The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
Thrilling, Predictable and Unpredictable at the same time.

Current read : Seventeen Poisoned Englishmen - Gabriel Garcia Marquez