Clock's ticking, teasing,
Laughing away.
Oh God, bring me down from the cloud and
Stick my butt onto the chair.
Let my notes never leave my sight;
And my mind not wander,
To everything else
But Radiopharmacy.
.......................drifting....
Away.
SHIT!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
For posterity sake
There aren't many people with whom you can talk religion with, and even less with whom you can have an open, non-judgmental, no-holds-barred discussion about this particular topic.
It is something that is so intertwined in the human psyche, that it is almost always the next source of wonder, after name and perhaps, age.
Admittedly, I am one confused girl. I can be easily swayed to one direction but the downside to that is that I can be as easily swayed back to the point of origin. I find it all a bit amusing that people are born into a religion without that freedom of choice.
As amusing as the thought that if you're different, heaven has no place for you.
Have I told you about the notion I had as a kid? That I SO wanted to believe?
That Buddha, Jesus and the Prophet Muhammad are all friends and are looking down on human beings, wondering why we are screaming our heads off to see which is the best.
They definitely ain't fighting with each other.
But of course, many would love to disagree.
It was a small kid's fantasy and a big kid's wish.
Granted, I would love to experience all religions, just to find out its beliefs, values, theories and of course,logic. Can't help it man, I'm a student of science.
Go find fault with the Education Policy for breeding me this way.
Knowledge is a powerful thing and I just wanted to share what I've heard, earlier tonight at this simple centre in Tmn Eng Ann which my parents brought me to. It's a Buddhist centre, brought to fruition by a group of English-speaking devotees who felt the need of a Klang branch extended from the Buddhist Temple in Brickfields.
Do not misundestand my intentions, this is not a sermon nor teaching.
It is merely for debate, and
For posterity sake.
The speaker was one Sister Chan, who is a Professor ( I think) of Mathematics in INTI College. She spoke on Understanding Kamma (Karma) in a logical way, in a manner that captures your attention.
She said in Buddhism, there are 4 Unthinkables - things that just are, that cannot be fully understood : Nibbana, Kamma, (Omnipresence?) of Buddha and How the universe works.
Unthinkables, things that cannot be understood.
Now, I didn't know that.
I thought that was interesting.
She mentioned that Kamma is about intentions, rather than actions. Intentions lead to speech and action.
Good begets good, and bad begets, yeap- Bad.
Okay, that I know.
Kamma, accumulated from past lives is not a punishment, the concept is one of fruit-bearing, seen in physical effects and also of the mind.
If you're rich, you could be very generous in your past lives.
Brilliant? You probably asked a lot of questions in previous lives.
Beautiful? You ain't the jealous kind before.
Dark kamma cannot be erased, nor miraculously deleted.
They are like salt crystals, while good kamma is water.
A teaspoon of salt into a cup of water? Salty water.
A teaspoon of salt into a lake? Bye-bye saltiness.
Which basically means, do more good and you can soften the blow of accumulated bad kamma.
Dark kamma can be diluted.
Wow. I did Not know that.
It was a good 2 hour session, I came out of it a little more enlightened ( in a purely english sense and not the Buddhist one, mind you) and more curious which is always a good thing.
She ended with the story of the 4 Wives - which is quite famous and of many variations- which I will share here too.
There was this dying old man who had 4 wives. He asked the youngest wife, the 4th wife of whom he had spent a lot on, of whom he had clothed well and covered in fine jewels to follow him to the grave. Naturally, she declined. Saddened, he asked the 3rd wife, for whom he had toiled and worked endlessly for.
She replied harshly, "No, I will not! When you die I'm going to marry your son instead!"
Oo. Evil woman.
He then asked the 2nd wife, who was very loyal to him. Nonetheless, she too said no, saying that the most she could do was to pay her respects to him each year at the grave.
He was super sad.
Then came a small voice from a small, thin and frail woman sitting at the corner, " I'll go with you. I've been following you life after life, and I will continue to do so. I will support you."
It was his 4th wife.
Seeing her, it finally dawned on him that he had been neglecting her all this while, his first wife, who turns out to be the only one who would follow him to the grave.
As you would know, the wives are metaphors.
4th wife is the human body. A body you clothe and beautify as much as you could and yet get cremated/buried in the end.
3rd wife is money and property. All your property goes to your sons in the end. Ha-ha.
2nd wife is your family and friends - as much as they love you and are loyal to you, they could only pay their respects. At the graveyard.
1st wife is Kamma, that follows you through lives.
Kamma; the good, the bad, the in-betweens.
I just thought the whole thing was kind of thought-provoking.
For a Friday evening at the very least.
...
It is something that is so intertwined in the human psyche, that it is almost always the next source of wonder, after name and perhaps, age.
Admittedly, I am one confused girl. I can be easily swayed to one direction but the downside to that is that I can be as easily swayed back to the point of origin. I find it all a bit amusing that people are born into a religion without that freedom of choice.
As amusing as the thought that if you're different, heaven has no place for you.
Have I told you about the notion I had as a kid? That I SO wanted to believe?
That Buddha, Jesus and the Prophet Muhammad are all friends and are looking down on human beings, wondering why we are screaming our heads off to see which is the best.
They definitely ain't fighting with each other.
But of course, many would love to disagree.
It was a small kid's fantasy and a big kid's wish.
Granted, I would love to experience all religions, just to find out its beliefs, values, theories and of course,logic. Can't help it man, I'm a student of science.
Go find fault with the Education Policy for breeding me this way.
Knowledge is a powerful thing and I just wanted to share what I've heard, earlier tonight at this simple centre in Tmn Eng Ann which my parents brought me to. It's a Buddhist centre, brought to fruition by a group of English-speaking devotees who felt the need of a Klang branch extended from the Buddhist Temple in Brickfields.
Do not misundestand my intentions, this is not a sermon nor teaching.
It is merely for debate, and
For posterity sake.
The speaker was one Sister Chan, who is a Professor ( I think) of Mathematics in INTI College. She spoke on Understanding Kamma (Karma) in a logical way, in a manner that captures your attention.
She said in Buddhism, there are 4 Unthinkables - things that just are, that cannot be fully understood : Nibbana, Kamma, (Omnipresence?) of Buddha and How the universe works.
Unthinkables, things that cannot be understood.
Now, I didn't know that.
I thought that was interesting.
She mentioned that Kamma is about intentions, rather than actions. Intentions lead to speech and action.
Good begets good, and bad begets, yeap- Bad.
Okay, that I know.
Kamma, accumulated from past lives is not a punishment, the concept is one of fruit-bearing, seen in physical effects and also of the mind.
If you're rich, you could be very generous in your past lives.
Brilliant? You probably asked a lot of questions in previous lives.
Beautiful? You ain't the jealous kind before.
Dark kamma cannot be erased, nor miraculously deleted.
They are like salt crystals, while good kamma is water.
A teaspoon of salt into a cup of water? Salty water.
A teaspoon of salt into a lake? Bye-bye saltiness.
Which basically means, do more good and you can soften the blow of accumulated bad kamma.
Dark kamma can be diluted.
Wow. I did Not know that.
It was a good 2 hour session, I came out of it a little more enlightened ( in a purely english sense and not the Buddhist one, mind you) and more curious which is always a good thing.
She ended with the story of the 4 Wives - which is quite famous and of many variations- which I will share here too.
There was this dying old man who had 4 wives. He asked the youngest wife, the 4th wife of whom he had spent a lot on, of whom he had clothed well and covered in fine jewels to follow him to the grave. Naturally, she declined. Saddened, he asked the 3rd wife, for whom he had toiled and worked endlessly for.
She replied harshly, "No, I will not! When you die I'm going to marry your son instead!"
Oo. Evil woman.
He then asked the 2nd wife, who was very loyal to him. Nonetheless, she too said no, saying that the most she could do was to pay her respects to him each year at the grave.
He was super sad.
Then came a small voice from a small, thin and frail woman sitting at the corner, " I'll go with you. I've been following you life after life, and I will continue to do so. I will support you."
It was his 4th wife.
Seeing her, it finally dawned on him that he had been neglecting her all this while, his first wife, who turns out to be the only one who would follow him to the grave.
As you would know, the wives are metaphors.
4th wife is the human body. A body you clothe and beautify as much as you could and yet get cremated/buried in the end.
3rd wife is money and property. All your property goes to your sons in the end. Ha-ha.
2nd wife is your family and friends - as much as they love you and are loyal to you, they could only pay their respects. At the graveyard.
1st wife is Kamma, that follows you through lives.
Kamma; the good, the bad, the in-betweens.
I just thought the whole thing was kind of thought-provoking.
For a Friday evening at the very least.
...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
And the exams had to end eventually..
Exams are freaking over!
*runs around madly ala Macaulay Culkin's Home Alone*
Huge, huge sigh of relief.
Nope not thinking about results yet, not thinking..No, don't think. DON'T THINK!Bah.
Friday was Independence Day, God only knows how we managed to drag ourselves out for lunch and a little present hunting immediately after our last paper. Suffice to say we barely had 2 hours of sleep the night before.
Adrenaline is indeed an interesting and useful neurotransmitter.
Saturday was lovely, finally managed to go out as a gang-for the first time the whole semester, I think- (Ritz, Popo, Huei, Siu Gee and I) to The Curve for some mad, no-holds-barred celebratory get-together.
Had a delicious dinner at The Apartment, perky coke at McD's and squeezed in a spot of shopping. They bought me a bag for me birthday! Loved it.
Sunday afternoon was mom-daughter bonding time back home in Klang and at night?
Off to Redang BABY!
The place was awe-inspiring, though a little to commercialized for my liking.
Beaches have always been my weak spot though and so understandably, I didn't want to leave.
I brought a book along with me. A lovely book from a lovely person. Heh heh.
Thanks LW!
"Shit. Can I not go home?"
"Marry some snorkelling guy la, then can stay on lor."
I just might you know, they're all tanned, muscular and so, so mysterious.
Like those kind you read in paperback romance novels. Mills and Boons anyone?
But I could be wrong, (sheepishly) never read a Mills & Boons book in my life.
How can you not want to wake up to something like this each morn?!
It was interesting in that I went with 7 other coursemates who are from different backgrounds; of various personalities and values. But no matter how different we were, and how far apart we sit in the class, it was such a blast, really.
Unity in diversity indeed.
Waking up at 6.30 am to watch the sunrise. Well worth it, really.
Love 'em all to bits.
But wait, what's a beach holiday without a jumping picture eh?
Holidays always get to me.
We all need to jump once in a while.
*runs around madly ala Macaulay Culkin's Home Alone*
Huge, huge sigh of relief.
Nope not thinking about results yet, not thinking..No, don't think. DON'T THINK!Bah.
Friday was Independence Day, God only knows how we managed to drag ourselves out for lunch and a little present hunting immediately after our last paper. Suffice to say we barely had 2 hours of sleep the night before.
Adrenaline is indeed an interesting and useful neurotransmitter.
Saturday was lovely, finally managed to go out as a gang-for the first time the whole semester, I think- (Ritz, Popo, Huei, Siu Gee and I) to The Curve for some mad, no-holds-barred celebratory get-together.
Had a delicious dinner at The Apartment, perky coke at McD's and squeezed in a spot of shopping. They bought me a bag for me birthday! Loved it.
Sunday afternoon was mom-daughter bonding time back home in Klang and at night?
Off to Redang BABY!
The place was awe-inspiring, though a little to commercialized for my liking.
Beaches have always been my weak spot though and so understandably, I didn't want to leave.
I brought a book along with me. A lovely book from a lovely person. Heh heh.Thanks LW!
"Shit. Can I not go home?"
"Marry some snorkelling guy la, then can stay on lor."
I just might you know, they're all tanned, muscular and so, so mysterious.
Like those kind you read in paperback romance novels. Mills and Boons anyone?
But I could be wrong, (sheepishly) never read a Mills & Boons book in my life.
How can you not want to wake up to something like this each morn?!
It was interesting in that I went with 7 other coursemates who are from different backgrounds; of various personalities and values. But no matter how different we were, and how far apart we sit in the class, it was such a blast, really.
Unity in diversity indeed.
Waking up at 6.30 am to watch the sunrise. Well worth it, really.
Love 'em all to bits.
But wait, what's a beach holiday without a jumping picture eh?
Holidays always get to me.We all need to jump once in a while.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Happy Bithday To..Me.
I could so feel the love.
I was kind of expecting it, but not at this scale. It's exam season so i could understand the sacrifice that they made to tear themselves away from their books, to walk all the way, to just be here for an hour or so - to celebrate this humble homo sapien's birthday.
And the time spent on getting gifts too, when time seems to just slip away from our grasp the harder we try to hold on to it.
Lovely friends.
Thank you so much Ritz, Feli, Yee Bee, Shea Jiun, Shin Chee, Cheok Men, Woan Lin, Pei Shan, Kai Siang, Jo Lin, Sai Hong, Siu Gee, Popo, Yah Huei, Guek Kee, Chu Chu, Wendy, Mei Poh and Meng Hong!
Gifts to be hugged, photos to browse through and memories to be kept for all times.
It's times like these that I should imprint in my mind-to remind myself of the many blessings that I have, during desperate and lowly hours.
For now, it's getting a little late and I'm going to bed with an overflowing heart.
Exams? What exams?
I was kind of expecting it, but not at this scale. It's exam season so i could understand the sacrifice that they made to tear themselves away from their books, to walk all the way, to just be here for an hour or so - to celebrate this humble homo sapien's birthday.
And the time spent on getting gifts too, when time seems to just slip away from our grasp the harder we try to hold on to it.
Lovely friends.
Thank you so much Ritz, Feli, Yee Bee, Shea Jiun, Shin Chee, Cheok Men, Woan Lin, Pei Shan, Kai Siang, Jo Lin, Sai Hong, Siu Gee, Popo, Yah Huei, Guek Kee, Chu Chu, Wendy, Mei Poh and Meng Hong!
Gifts to be hugged, photos to browse through and memories to be kept for all times.
It's times like these that I should imprint in my mind-to remind myself of the many blessings that I have, during desperate and lowly hours.
For now, it's getting a little late and I'm going to bed with an overflowing heart.
Exams? What exams?
Friday, April 18, 2008
sleepy afternoon
"What is most important to you in life, other than your family?"
I was put in a spot, forced to think about something that I've never thought of seriously; to place what is important to me in a ranking order. The moment I said it though, it just felt so right.
"To make a difference."
Shit, I sound so cliched.
But that's it really, I would die happy even if I was poor and dying of hunger if I know that I have done just that- to have lived, loved hard, and leaving a little of my soul behind. A little with my family, a little with those I've had the privilege to cross paths with and a little in the eyes of whom I've known all my life and who have known me, all their lives as well.
I've been thinking about me ( who else to think about?) these few days, during dreamy moments amidst the times of studying. I wonder about my strengths and weaknesses and wonder whether I've become stronger or in fact, weaker. I think about the possible events that have happened in my life that could have bring about a more feeble me, a me that doubts and hesitates.
Uncertainties.
Shrouding endlessly.
But I know I'm me, and there will never be another quite like me.
My quirks and madness and strengths and of course, weaknesses come together to represent this human being that is me.
I may never be perfect but those imperfections are perfectly pivotal to build this 50 kg (probably more) worth of flesh and blood.
Plus, hearing, seeing and holding kids who are less fortunate (in conventional sense-family, money, education) puts things into perspective. Makes you realize just how blardy fortunate some of us are.
And to worry about little things like perception and imperfections?
So, So silly.
I'm in the driver's seat, this is my life and what I make of it is wholly my doing.
May not necessarily be a Mercedez Benz but I'm one freaking cool kap chai motor.
I was put in a spot, forced to think about something that I've never thought of seriously; to place what is important to me in a ranking order. The moment I said it though, it just felt so right.
"To make a difference."
Shit, I sound so cliched.
But that's it really, I would die happy even if I was poor and dying of hunger if I know that I have done just that- to have lived, loved hard, and leaving a little of my soul behind. A little with my family, a little with those I've had the privilege to cross paths with and a little in the eyes of whom I've known all my life and who have known me, all their lives as well.
I've been thinking about me ( who else to think about?) these few days, during dreamy moments amidst the times of studying. I wonder about my strengths and weaknesses and wonder whether I've become stronger or in fact, weaker. I think about the possible events that have happened in my life that could have bring about a more feeble me, a me that doubts and hesitates.
Uncertainties.
Shrouding endlessly.
But I know I'm me, and there will never be another quite like me.
My quirks and madness and strengths and of course, weaknesses come together to represent this human being that is me.
I may never be perfect but those imperfections are perfectly pivotal to build this 50 kg (probably more) worth of flesh and blood.
Plus, hearing, seeing and holding kids who are less fortunate (in conventional sense-family, money, education) puts things into perspective. Makes you realize just how blardy fortunate some of us are.
And to worry about little things like perception and imperfections?
So, So silly.
I'm in the driver's seat, this is my life and what I make of it is wholly my doing.
May not necessarily be a Mercedez Benz but I'm one freaking cool kap chai motor.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
*mumbles
It is 2.59 in the morning and papers are strewn all over my table. I should be wrapped under a warm blanket, sleeping but dread is stopping me in my tracks. The looming fear that is exams.
Sanity is getting a little bit harder to hold on to each day.
It is now 3.30 in the morning and there are still whispers in the night.
Clopidogrel as an antiplatelet.
What is the role of ADP on adenylyl cyclase activity leading to platelet aggregation?
Behold the power of google.
It's 3.39 a.m.
I'm not even halfway through...
God help us all.
Sanity is getting a little bit harder to hold on to each day.
It is now 3.30 in the morning and there are still whispers in the night.
Clopidogrel as an antiplatelet.
What is the role of ADP on adenylyl cyclase activity leading to platelet aggregation?
Behold the power of google.
It's 3.39 a.m.
I'm not even halfway through...
God help us all.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday Night
I Grew.
I flip through old photographs of me; I couldn’t recognize the girl in those pictures anymore.
I don’t feel like her, I may even be forgiven if I mistook her for a stranger.
You know deep down in you; that you somehow have a connection with her but you know for sure that she is not what you are today.
Do you remember how scared you were of something new?
Do you remember how unsure you were about being who you are?
That you were terrified, absolutely terrified that you will lose that eloquent self that you were.
Afraid that you find out that you were, in fact a hypocrite.
You find that you stumble upon pieces of yourself scattered everywhere.
You find a piece one day, the next; maybe the next week.
Uncertain of who you are morphing into,
Hoping and praying that she is a better person than who you were.
And you thought your soul-searching teenage days were over.
You were wrong my friend, you’re still growing.
And my friend, I think you secretly rejoice in the fact that you are; in fact, still growing.
No matter how freaking scary it is, a dark room, wondering if there is a candle at the end of your journey-that you will find your skin.
Your beautiful brown skin.
Neither white, nor ebony,
Your freaking brown-yellow skin.
And your beating, bloody heart.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Double, double, toil and trouble
Nah, kawan, dah update pun!
It has been a long, long time since I've had a weekend in which I don't have to study. I mean, it would be best to study but there is no freaking test waiting for me when sulk back to Uni so yeah read : bye bye books.
For 2 days at least.
2 days of pure bliss for my tired body and mind. Such sheer, unadulterated bliss that I slept purata 10 hours each night. Double that I would get back in ye ol' UM.
I would have slept longer if not for my dad's
"Wake up lor! It's already 1 pm forgoodnesssake!"
and mom's tut-tuts.
Almost tempted to retort,
"Aiya, dear mummy, my sleeping genes are from you."
Genes.
One word that will forever remind me of a lecturer but that's another story.
So it was a weekend where I could do whatever I want and one which I felt propelled me to a new degree of independence and got me thinking about life in general, and in particular of a girl in her twenties. You see, I drove to Uni and back ON MY OWN for class on Friday.
You might be thinking, what's the big deal? You're already 22 years old for pete's sake.
Now, if you don't know me very well, or rather my parents very well, I am one of those who grew up in a very protective cocoon.
I'm not saying that it is necessarily a bad thing but sometimes I do feel that being brought up the way that I was brought up, granted, I'm not smoking pot or playing truant but I'm probably not that assertive as I would have been otherwise.
A few examples ,
" Where'd you wanna go?"
"Erm, anywhere."
"What do you wanna eat?"
"Erm, anything."
"You wanna jump off the cliff?"
"Erm, anything la. You want me to jump I'll jump."
I feel at times, that I'm the epitome of a crowd pleaser and some of the times, during those times, I just wish I could just give myself a big kick in the ass.
WTH? Cannot think for youself ar?!
And as silly and outrageous as it sounds, driving alone, to me actually forces you to be more decisive and therefore more independent. You see, it's solely your decision to speed, it's your decision to change lanes and you alone decide where you want to park and how you park it
You want to scratch your car? Go ahead, scratch away-more power to you, dude.
There is no one else to guide you and decide for you. You can't very well wind down your window and scream to the next car,
"Eh, can I cut you ar?!"
You just do it.
When you feel like it.
Who knew that a car key holds so much meaning to it.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.
It's always good to have girlfriends, and always fun to meet up and talk, gossip whatever. Had a great dinner with uni pals on Weds and managed to meet up with Cyen and then with Esther these few days. It's funny that the topic will invariably turn to love lives or rather the lack of it in my case.
...
Nope.
Not one to whine.
It has been a long, long time since I've had a weekend in which I don't have to study. I mean, it would be best to study but there is no freaking test waiting for me when sulk back to Uni so yeah read : bye bye books.
For 2 days at least.
2 days of pure bliss for my tired body and mind. Such sheer, unadulterated bliss that I slept purata 10 hours each night. Double that I would get back in ye ol' UM.
I would have slept longer if not for my dad's
"Wake up lor! It's already 1 pm forgoodnesssake!"
and mom's tut-tuts.
Almost tempted to retort,
"Aiya, dear mummy, my sleeping genes are from you."
Genes.
One word that will forever remind me of a lecturer but that's another story.
So it was a weekend where I could do whatever I want and one which I felt propelled me to a new degree of independence and got me thinking about life in general, and in particular of a girl in her twenties. You see, I drove to Uni and back ON MY OWN for class on Friday.
You might be thinking, what's the big deal? You're already 22 years old for pete's sake.
Now, if you don't know me very well, or rather my parents very well, I am one of those who grew up in a very protective cocoon.
I'm not saying that it is necessarily a bad thing but sometimes I do feel that being brought up the way that I was brought up, granted, I'm not smoking pot or playing truant but I'm probably not that assertive as I would have been otherwise.
A few examples ,
" Where'd you wanna go?"
"Erm, anywhere."
"What do you wanna eat?"
"Erm, anything."
"You wanna jump off the cliff?"
"Erm, anything la. You want me to jump I'll jump."
I feel at times, that I'm the epitome of a crowd pleaser and some of the times, during those times, I just wish I could just give myself a big kick in the ass.
WTH? Cannot think for youself ar?!
And as silly and outrageous as it sounds, driving alone, to me actually forces you to be more decisive and therefore more independent. You see, it's solely your decision to speed, it's your decision to change lanes and you alone decide where you want to park and how you park it
You want to scratch your car? Go ahead, scratch away-more power to you, dude.
There is no one else to guide you and decide for you. You can't very well wind down your window and scream to the next car,
"Eh, can I cut you ar?!"
You just do it.
When you feel like it.
Who knew that a car key holds so much meaning to it.
Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.
It's always good to have girlfriends, and always fun to meet up and talk, gossip whatever. Had a great dinner with uni pals on Weds and managed to meet up with Cyen and then with Esther these few days. It's funny that the topic will invariably turn to love lives or rather the lack of it in my case.
...
Nope.
Not one to whine.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Sitting around
Thanks feli for the internet connection!
There's a clock on my table and it's ticking away. A square box-like object, it cuts a lonely figure in the corner, away from the sea of messiness that threatens to engulf Time. It's inching closer tho.
Poor thing.
Dear void that is cyberspace, I'm not doing too good in tests but its alright.
Sometimes things get a lil' unbearable but thats okay,
Sitting down at the table to study might seem like a pain, but its just a pain in the butt.
It will go away soon enough.
Life is still full of unexpected surprises, that comes in all shapes and colours, even rockets and greens.
There is still humour, if only you would look for it in all the unlikely places.
And there is still love, if you'd allow it into your heart.
Aiyo.
must go study now.
Sigh. Fine. You win.
Bye people!
There's a clock on my table and it's ticking away. A square box-like object, it cuts a lonely figure in the corner, away from the sea of messiness that threatens to engulf Time. It's inching closer tho.
Poor thing.
Dear void that is cyberspace, I'm not doing too good in tests but its alright.
Sometimes things get a lil' unbearable but thats okay,
Sitting down at the table to study might seem like a pain, but its just a pain in the butt.
It will go away soon enough.
Life is still full of unexpected surprises, that comes in all shapes and colours, even rockets and greens.
There is still humour, if only you would look for it in all the unlikely places.
And there is still love, if you'd allow it into your heart.
Aiyo.
must go study now.
Sigh. Fine. You win.
Bye people!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Baaaaaackkk!
Well, well, well..
It's been almost a month since I've updated me blog! Can you believe it? I have plenty to borak about but sigh, just too little time. I even missed a Chinese New Year Post, non-existent Valentine's post and yeah, a whole-lotta other posts.
Having been able to snatch some precious time to do this, I'd just like to share with you what I've been up to these days..especially on weekends when I don't come home.
Anyway, I just wanted to spread the word around and if you'd like to contribute, or join us(of which you are most welcome to do so) then come on board!
So yeah, here it is!
Young Visionaries Initiative '07/'08
Love you guys,
Bubye.
xoxoxo
It's been almost a month since I've updated me blog! Can you believe it? I have plenty to borak about but sigh, just too little time. I even missed a Chinese New Year Post, non-existent Valentine's post and yeah, a whole-lotta other posts.
Having been able to snatch some precious time to do this, I'd just like to share with you what I've been up to these days..especially on weekends when I don't come home.
Anyway, I just wanted to spread the word around and if you'd like to contribute, or join us(of which you are most welcome to do so) then come on board!
So yeah, here it is!
Young Visionaries Initiative '07/'08
Love you guys,
Bubye.
xoxoxo
Saturday, February 02, 2008
The night I chose the fluttering angel
Part 1 :
C : "Eh? Where's sim mei lar?"
Roomie : "Oh, She decided to go to the Buddhist Society's Hymns Concert instead"
C : "She blew off clubbing with us over that?"
Shit.
How 'Lil' Miss Goody-two-shoes' more can I get?
Sigh.
For the record, I decided to go to the concert as a show of support for this friend of mine who's in the commitee. I've already given my word, and I was shoved responsibilities at the last minute; so yeah, the angel on my left shoulder won and the devil poofed away.
Angel : 1 , Devil : 0.
...
Part II :
Bought ALL my new year clothing in ONE day! Haha.
And all in a couple of hours.
Not bad, not bad at all.
...
Part III :
Blardy hell. New year holidays is non-existent. I have 4 freaking tests awaiting me when University reopens.
Not to mention tons of assignments and work to do.
Gimme a gun, I'm gonna go shoot some people.
...
Part IV :
I think I liked myself better when I listen more than I speak.
Stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stop trying to be funny.
You find yourself wanting to kick yourself in the ass often enough.
...
C : "Eh? Where's sim mei lar?"
Roomie : "Oh, She decided to go to the Buddhist Society's Hymns Concert instead"
C : "She blew off clubbing with us over that?"
Shit.
How 'Lil' Miss Goody-two-shoes' more can I get?
Sigh.
For the record, I decided to go to the concert as a show of support for this friend of mine who's in the commitee. I've already given my word, and I was shoved responsibilities at the last minute; so yeah, the angel on my left shoulder won and the devil poofed away.
Angel : 1 , Devil : 0.
...
Part II :
Bought ALL my new year clothing in ONE day! Haha.
And all in a couple of hours.
Not bad, not bad at all.
...
Part III :
Blardy hell. New year holidays is non-existent. I have 4 freaking tests awaiting me when University reopens.
Not to mention tons of assignments and work to do.
Gimme a gun, I'm gonna go shoot some people.
...
Part IV :
I think I liked myself better when I listen more than I speak.
Stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stop trying to be funny.
You find yourself wanting to kick yourself in the ass often enough.
...
Part V :
You're putting on weight. Don't deny any longer. Go find more ice-cream to eat.
...
Part VI :
Jogoya Jogoya Hey!
Jogoya Jogoya Ho!
Jogoya Jogoya Dei!
Jogoya Jogoya Let's Go!
Hah!
Friday, February 01, 2008
And the music played on..
The sky was downcast; the wind was blowing through our hair, chilling our bones , our hearts, our souls.
Droplets of rain fell onto our skins, dripping off onto the tarred ground.
The horn blared, the organ played, the drums drummed.
The funeral procession started.
My uncle passed away on Monday at the age of 83 and today was the funeral.
He lived long, he lived hard and the idea of him passing must have played in our minds but when the news came, it was still a shock; a little hard to digest.
It was hard, seeing the house that my family and I go to every single week, sometimes every other day even, being converted into a place of mourning. Hard to believe that the man will no longer be there, the man whose presence I took for granted.
It was even harder seeing my aunt, being the strong woman that she is, looking so vulnerable; her love for him so palpable, so solid.
Things will never be the same.
And yet, with loss, grief and tears, there can still be strength. Life is displayed by the energetic young grandchildren running with cunning in their eyes while monks chant in the background. Humour is in the muffled laughter and smiles when something funny crops up.
Continuance is in the din heard when the clan come together.
Life goes on indeed, when the mourning is over and respect is accorded.
Life goes on indeed when the same aunt, presses those present to "Eat some more!"
Life goes on indeed when everyone gathers around the food table, stuffing themselves silly and talking about anything at all.
And to some extent, we all know that to be true.
That life indeed will go on.
Life gained, life lost; life lived, life passed.
Make it one helluva ride.
Rest in peace, dear uncle.
Sometimes memories, like a mischievous child, play tricks on the mind, and that which seems real might not have occured at all.
But sometimes it seems too real to ignore.
And wounds may cut deep and the mind chooses to delete and is unsure,
and yet it haunts, and questions remain unanswered.
But the journey continues, and forgiveness is due.
For the sake of me, and for you.
The past is that, the past;
And I'll remember to forget,
To not look back and wonder
But to let it go, to set it free
For it is what it is,
and I am what I am;
No one's at fault.
No one's to blame.
That will set us free.
Droplets of rain fell onto our skins, dripping off onto the tarred ground.
The horn blared, the organ played, the drums drummed.
The funeral procession started.
My uncle passed away on Monday at the age of 83 and today was the funeral.
He lived long, he lived hard and the idea of him passing must have played in our minds but when the news came, it was still a shock; a little hard to digest.
It was hard, seeing the house that my family and I go to every single week, sometimes every other day even, being converted into a place of mourning. Hard to believe that the man will no longer be there, the man whose presence I took for granted.
It was even harder seeing my aunt, being the strong woman that she is, looking so vulnerable; her love for him so palpable, so solid.
Things will never be the same.
And yet, with loss, grief and tears, there can still be strength. Life is displayed by the energetic young grandchildren running with cunning in their eyes while monks chant in the background. Humour is in the muffled laughter and smiles when something funny crops up.
Continuance is in the din heard when the clan come together.
Life goes on indeed, when the mourning is over and respect is accorded.
Life goes on indeed when the same aunt, presses those present to "Eat some more!"
Life goes on indeed when everyone gathers around the food table, stuffing themselves silly and talking about anything at all.
And to some extent, we all know that to be true.
That life indeed will go on.
Life gained, life lost; life lived, life passed.
Make it one helluva ride.
Rest in peace, dear uncle.
Sometimes memories, like a mischievous child, play tricks on the mind, and that which seems real might not have occured at all.
But sometimes it seems too real to ignore.
And wounds may cut deep and the mind chooses to delete and is unsure,
and yet it haunts, and questions remain unanswered.
But the journey continues, and forgiveness is due.
For the sake of me, and for you.
The past is that, the past;
And I'll remember to forget,
To not look back and wonder
But to let it go, to set it free
For it is what it is,
and I am what I am;
No one's at fault.
No one's to blame.
That will set us free.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
And she kept rambling on
I'm feeling....
like I should be torn in many directions, but I'm here.
I'm feeling....
like I should feel, but I can't.
Am I to envy those whose heart feels as deeply as it decides?
Restless sleep, swollen eyes, muddled mind-you tellin' me something?
Coherent sentences, please, oh-wise-head.
Insanity? In Sanity all right.
In complete sanity.
like I should be torn in many directions, but I'm here.
I'm feeling....
like I should feel, but I can't.
Am I to envy those whose heart feels as deeply as it decides?
Restless sleep, swollen eyes, muddled mind-you tellin' me something?
Coherent sentences, please, oh-wise-head.
Insanity? In Sanity all right.
In complete sanity.
...
Incomplete sanity?
*Nods.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Who can say where the road goes? Only Time.
Time flows by like a river, cannot be stopped, even if you are foolish enough to try.
Goodbye 2007 and well, hello 2008;
what a way to end the year with a bang, with me nearly banging a car in front on a rainy, slippery day.
But I didn't (Thank YOU God.)
What a way to start the new year,
With me witnessing an accident riiiight in front of moi a few moments pass midnight.
Crash. Boom.
Erm, Bang?
Shit, what's with all this banging?!
I must add, I have no recollection of what happened in 2007, it's either too much to put my finger on, or I was too drunk.
But wait, I don't really drink.
Drunk on madness.
The new semester has started and with it all the work it entails. Organizer's almost full already, and test dates are already out. Like, dude, give us a break. Please! (SOB.)
The monster that is procrastination is looming behind, creeping closer each passing second. (....Sob. Help?)
I'm turning into a new leaf, been sitting right in front in the first row all of last week which was a far cry from sitting riiight at the back the previous sem.
Doesn't stop me from dreaming though. The best part?!
I actually revised what I did during the day on one unbelievable night which basically scared the pants off my room mate.
"What ARE you doing?! .......wait. You're...my god.....STUDYING?!"
Needless to say,the new resolution lasted just one night.
Who am I kidding lar?
It's Sunday evening. I don't like Sunday evenings. Sunday evenings mean that tomorrow's Monday. Tomorrow's Monday means have to wake up early. Have to wake up early means have to go to class. Have to go to class means more assignments and more notes. More notes means more to study. More to study means sad sim mei.
But Sunday evenings also mean family dinners. Family dinners mean food.
And food means happy sim mei.
I am SO easy to please.
Goodbye 2007 and well, hello 2008;
what a way to end the year with a bang, with me nearly banging a car in front on a rainy, slippery day.
But I didn't (Thank YOU God.)
What a way to start the new year,
With me witnessing an accident riiiight in front of moi a few moments pass midnight.
Crash. Boom.
Erm, Bang?
Shit, what's with all this banging?!
I must add, I have no recollection of what happened in 2007, it's either too much to put my finger on, or I was too drunk.
But wait, I don't really drink.
Drunk on madness.
The new semester has started and with it all the work it entails. Organizer's almost full already, and test dates are already out. Like, dude, give us a break. Please! (SOB.)
The monster that is procrastination is looming behind, creeping closer each passing second. (....Sob. Help?)
I'm turning into a new leaf, been sitting right in front in the first row all of last week which was a far cry from sitting riiight at the back the previous sem.
Doesn't stop me from dreaming though. The best part?!
I actually revised what I did during the day on one unbelievable night which basically scared the pants off my room mate.
"What ARE you doing?! .......wait. You're...my god.....STUDYING?!"
Needless to say,the new resolution lasted just one night.
Who am I kidding lar?
It's Sunday evening. I don't like Sunday evenings. Sunday evenings mean that tomorrow's Monday. Tomorrow's Monday means have to wake up early. Have to wake up early means have to go to class. Have to go to class means more assignments and more notes. More notes means more to study. More to study means sad sim mei.
But Sunday evenings also mean family dinners. Family dinners mean food.
And food means happy sim mei.
I am SO easy to please.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Swoosh
Dear blog,
It has been a fruitful holiday and with a renewed spirit, I return to ye ol' UM tomorrow. Naturally, the pants have gotten tighter and the arms flabbier, but the smiles have gotten wider as well so everything's good.
Loads of snapshots in the bag and space taken up by memories that never will fade.
Enough hilarious moments to keep one chuckling and tender heartfelt moments to make life more delectable, somewhat.
Though I've still far to go in terms of total understanding of this living business.
I've had enough kisses to keep me happy
and hugs to keep me warm.
thoughts to keep me thinking and
love to go around.
Till I see you again, which is soon, I hope!
Here's to the sun, the rain and the mud.
And that we'll all be able to enjoy a coconut, every now and then.
It has been a fruitful holiday and with a renewed spirit, I return to ye ol' UM tomorrow. Naturally, the pants have gotten tighter and the arms flabbier, but the smiles have gotten wider as well so everything's good.
Loads of snapshots in the bag and space taken up by memories that never will fade.
Enough hilarious moments to keep one chuckling and tender heartfelt moments to make life more delectable, somewhat.
Though I've still far to go in terms of total understanding of this living business.
I've had enough kisses to keep me happy
and hugs to keep me warm.
thoughts to keep me thinking and
love to go around.
Till I see you again, which is soon, I hope!
Here's to the sun, the rain and the mud.
And that we'll all be able to enjoy a coconut, every now and then.
*smooches
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Yoooooo! Yoooooo!
Okay, some of you would probably know that I attended a leadership camp in UM not too long ago.
I wanted to blog about it, but was too caught up with so much stuff that being the procrastinator that I am, I felt that having a small piece of that experience in my written diary is enough and that anything else on cyberspace is just extra...stuff.
Read : lazy pig.
Organized under the AIESEC banner, I hardly know what AIESEC is nor know anyone there except my roomie, who's quite involved in it. I joined at the very last minute and even signed up after the closing date.
Hah.
Suffice to say, I didn't regret it. I learnt like a LOT.
So much that it was almost too much.
It wasn't just the technical stuff. It forced me to be brutally honest with myself and find parts in me that I haven't really grasp nor truly understood.
It opened up my eyes to nature of human beings and made me appreciate the diversity of man.
But most of all, It made me gorge on humble pie.
Anyway, that's not the main point of this entry.
I should explain first though that in AIESEC, there is this square dance culture which is unique to that certain University. So naturally, UM would have one too and since I did not attend pre-camp, like a monkey, I was lost and jumping around, pretending that I knew the steps when in actual fact I was just jumping around. Like a monkey.
It was a hit tho, and I totally enjoyed it.
So for us, it was this song called Crank Dat Soulja Boy by Soulja Boy (like, what else?) which I never for the life of me knew existed.
It had a catchy tune, and well, cute steps to go along with it.
And I've only just found out that the moves for the song is actually a dance by itself (think Macarena, the funky chicken, etc) and that it's HUGE over in YouTube.
I mean, people around the world did the Soulja Boy just as how UM fellas did it during that 5 days camp.
Curious enough?
Watch this.
God. It's hilarious.
And in case you were wondering, yeah, I did it too. Shook that ass all the way to China.
Okay.
You can stop laughing now.
Oh btw, Merry Christmas everyone!
Altogether now, Yoooooo! Yooooo!
I wanted to blog about it, but was too caught up with so much stuff that being the procrastinator that I am, I felt that having a small piece of that experience in my written diary is enough and that anything else on cyberspace is just extra...stuff.
Read : lazy pig.
Organized under the AIESEC banner, I hardly know what AIESEC is nor know anyone there except my roomie, who's quite involved in it. I joined at the very last minute and even signed up after the closing date.
Hah.
Suffice to say, I didn't regret it. I learnt like a LOT.
So much that it was almost too much.
It wasn't just the technical stuff. It forced me to be brutally honest with myself and find parts in me that I haven't really grasp nor truly understood.
It opened up my eyes to nature of human beings and made me appreciate the diversity of man.
But most of all, It made me gorge on humble pie.
Anyway, that's not the main point of this entry.
I should explain first though that in AIESEC, there is this square dance culture which is unique to that certain University. So naturally, UM would have one too and since I did not attend pre-camp, like a monkey, I was lost and jumping around, pretending that I knew the steps when in actual fact I was just jumping around. Like a monkey.
It was a hit tho, and I totally enjoyed it.
So for us, it was this song called Crank Dat Soulja Boy by Soulja Boy (like, what else?) which I never for the life of me knew existed.
It had a catchy tune, and well, cute steps to go along with it.
And I've only just found out that the moves for the song is actually a dance by itself (think Macarena, the funky chicken, etc) and that it's HUGE over in YouTube.
I mean, people around the world did the Soulja Boy just as how UM fellas did it during that 5 days camp.
Curious enough?
Watch this.
God. It's hilarious.
And in case you were wondering, yeah, I did it too. Shook that ass all the way to China.
Okay.
You can stop laughing now.
Oh btw, Merry Christmas everyone!
Altogether now, Yoooooo! Yooooo!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Its CUPID with a W
See the back of that guy's t-shirt?
It says World Universities Peace Invitational Debate -or, WUPID.
Cool name right? WUPID, WUUuuPiid. WOOPiIIID.
N-E-way,
it was held over at UniKL(which by the way has the coolest lecture halls and classrooms) from Sunday through to Thursday. It's by invitation only, so the debate teams there are like from the best universities in the world, from Cambridge to Oxford (collectively : gasp!) to (too add a little bit of that spicy local flavour) MMU, UiTM and many more.
Muchas gracias KW for bringing me along to witness this awesome display of wit, sharp thinking and mind-blowing information overload. My god. I felt like a freaking ignoramus, totally clueless on what they were talking about.
They were debating on stuff so specific that I just shudder to be in their shoes, or rather, slippers.
Mom saw this, "Wah. wear shorts and slippers ar?!"
I couldn't grasp what they were talking about practically half of the time, and those times were spent being lulled by their delicious accent and dreaming about how beautiful the girls (and guys) were.
The half of the time?
I was in awe. Of their eloquence, their apparent lack of nerves and their brains.
The motions were made of stuff like "Give the Kurds a homeland" and,
wait for it.... "The Bolivan Revolution has failed"
WTH?! Who or what are the Kurds and when in heavens did the Bolivan Revolution happen? Boliva? Mana tu?!
Wow. I could literally feel the butterflies flying around in the space within my skull. I must add also, that the teams didn't know the motion until 15 minutes before the competition which made me respect them all the more.
It was good.
And I got to hang out with someone new who's extremely nice and equally crazy!
Meet KW's fellow debater, Melissa.
And oh, we bumped into our little high achiever Siaw Yen, and we basically yapped all the way back to Telok Gadong.
Heh.
Still the same bright girl. She could rule the earth one day, really.
Current read : Night by Elie Wiesel.
Current love : McD's, after the 5 odd hours Chandu, Shashi and I spent there, talking about everything under the sun.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
One afternoon on the couch
Million Voices -Wycleaf Jean
Soundtrack of Hotel Rwanda
Stopped at Hotel Rwanda.
I've heard a lot about this film, about how good it really is in portraying humanity, and ironically,the lack of it during the Rwandan genocide .
I was sobbing my eyes out, I mean really sobbing-wasn't sniffling, wasn't just tearing and i distinctly remember feeling as helpless as this when I caught Sometimes in April not too long ago. Yet many things have happened since then, and we forget; I forgot and now I remember.
The movie was a true portrayal of one man, Paul Rusesabagina (played by Don Cheadle) who sheltered over 1,000 Tutsis and moderate Hutus in a Belgian-owned hotel, effectively protecting them from being brutally massacred.
He used his connections, his wit, quick thinking and most importantly, compassion to keep the flames of hope and life burning throughout those horrendous days.
This man had even at one point, decided to stay behind to save the hundreds of lives even when there was an opportunity for him to escape.
This man did not falter even when the world around him turned their backs on him, on the Rwandan people and on plain humanity.
And in the film, the UN soldier (portrayed by Nick Nolte) was based on a real UN peace keeper, Roméo Dallaire who was there to witness the atrocities, first hand.
Read their stories,
Remember Rwanda,
Never forget Darfur.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Hooooliday Take II
It's always fun to play host.; showing people around Klang, its highlights and ugly sights.
Darn. Went there so many times the Bicycle Man recognized me already!
Me mom came along too..Whoa..did she have stamina!
Random snapshots
Hear the cengkerik chirping?
Whoops!
All aboard!
Ahoy! I see land, cap'ain! 
One for the photo album!
So glad to have you guys to keep me sane in college!
xoxo!
The bonus would be to be able to share a bit of your life with the people you care about (in this case it was Rita and Feli) - inviting them to partake in this life of yours!
I brought them to some therapeutic singing of course-sang across genres as Siti Nurhaliza would testify. Heh.
Introduced 'em to the hidden treasure of Bukit Cahaya.
Darn. Went there so many times the Bicycle Man recognized me already!
Me mom came along too..Whoa..did she have stamina!
Random snapshots
Hear the cengkerik chirping?
Whoops!
All aboard!One for the photo album!
So glad to have you guys to keep me sane in college!
xoxo!
Friday, November 30, 2007
The time when we said "Let's Go!"
So there we were, chilling while drinking tea, stuffing cheesecake into our mouths on the night of our last paper.
Ah, of course.
Cendol session by the river.
Stadhuy's Building
Tall, tall flag.
Took many, many crazy snapshots of sweet memories
"Let's go on a holiday! Malacca anyone?"
"Oooo..let's! When?"
"erm..tomorrow?"
"Yeah, man!"
Off we went, clothes and essentials in our backpacks, permission by parents shrouding us like amulets, heads giddy from excitement, hearts beating with anticipation of nothing. For we did not plan, we did not think, we just did.
It was the epitome of being young, free and careless.
We stayed at this beautiful hotel, called Hotel Puri located at Jalan Tun Tan Cheng Lock. Formerly a residence of a millionaire, it was transformed into this beautiful place that doesn't promise much from the outside, but incredible on the inside.
We stuffed ourselves silly with none other than famous Malaccan fare.
Ah, of course.
Cendol session by the river.
Walking aimlessly can lead you to hidden treasure troves that reminds you of times when life was but a bed of roses, accompanied by mysterious beating of drums;
And getting lost can cause you to unintentionally bump into historical places;
Hard to believe but sometimes taking the longer cut will bring you to unexpected places..
Hard to believe but sometimes taking the longer cut will bring you to unexpected places..
And taking risks brings you to your cheapest dim sum breakfast ever!
but of course, we succumbed to being typical visitors and made our mark in lovely tourists haunts.
St. Paul's Hill
Stadhuy's Building Tall, tall flag.Who can forget, A Formosa? (or is it Famosa?)
The trishaw man waved and smiled when he noticed me stealing a picture of him
A bastion (nope, I don't know what's a bastion)
Took many, many crazy snapshots of sweet memories
I've learnt a lot, during that trip-that nice people DO exist and that they are willing to help in whatever ways possible. We weren't foreigners but they were courteous and helpful like the taxi man who waited for us in front of Mini Malaysia with no extra charge just because he knew it would be difficult for us to get a cab back to town later on. The same man who did not budge even when we got caught in the rain and the same man who came to our rescue with umbrellas, like a mild-mannered hero saving soaking wet pathetic-looking students.
And the lady who volunteered to tell us which buses to take and which to avoid even when we didn't ask, then later on wished us a safe journey.
Trinket sellers who offered to handle the camera just so the four of us would be in the picture together after seeing us taking turns to take pictures in twos and threes.
And the nice Johor traveller we met while we were on our way not once, nor twice but three times on the same day.
Plus many others who helped to point the direction to which we should be heading.
All these kind souls helped to reinforce the belief that Malaysians sure are a bunch of good people!
And that's a good thing, no?
15-16 Nov 2007
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