I need some endorphins

I'm never one to wear my heart on me sleeves, me think.

Suck it in, why bother others with some burden of yours that will not aid in any way in what they coping with right now? For all you know, they might be barely surviving themselves.
So I just suck it in and cope, using all the mechanisms available.
Sleep,
relax,
a walk,
inspiration.

It's not working that well anymore.

I'm thinking that I should change my ways.
It's been a pretty rough few weeks; so caught up in so many emotions - sometimes finding it hard to find back the happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care me.
So much so that I feel that I've inadvertently pushed those closest to me away.

I wonder is it because I'm bottling everything up?
Would it be better to just spill whatever I'm feeling at that precise moment?

Anger, to react in anger,
Sadness, to show that emotion in all its glory.

But that's rarely me.
Good thing or a bad thing? I know shit.

....

Sadness.
That's where we diverge.


Different thoughts, expectations.


To go through each minute of the day with the thought of that hour plus moment in the not-to-distant;
A light that somehow help me find a way to survive suckiness, unhappiness, stress.
With the thought of that moment.
That closeness.


But when the time comes, just so much sadness.
To have it dissipate into nothingness.


It just breaks my heart to pieces.