Donkey

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I should be studying!

Crap...someone give me a swift kick in the ass.

I've been

-sleeping too much for my own good; more than what I usually need

-going out too often

-watching too much TV

and you know what's the worst part?

I don't mind NOT studying eventhough I know there's so much to cover I can just break down and cry right now in front of you.
But I know I won't.

The saddest part about all this is that I'm losing grip of my old self; the old me doesn't care what her results are gonna be like as long as she does her best. Now, I find myself constantly worrying about my results and succumbing to the pressure of being on the dean's list.
Shit la.
It's just a freaking LIST!

You see? I KNOW that, but it's just not getting into my head. How I wish I've never heard of such a thing as a dean's list, CGPA and all that. I'm doing my degree for goodness sake; I should not be in this mad chase for excellent, perfect results.
Being in a university shouldn't be like this!
Or have I been living in a lie, believing in something that doesn't exist? Are we that kiasu,
or

am I that kiasu?

shudders.

What have I morphed into?

I want my old self back!